“Fuck.” Eyes squeezed shut tight, she rolled onto her back to put some space between them, and with a bitter note creeping into her tone, she continued. “Don’t bother trying to psychoanalyze me. I know what you’re hinting at, and I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m doing fine on my own. Have been for the last seven years.”
Nope. Not about to let her dodge the subject so easy, he rolled right on top of her, caging her in with his body. “Becca, look at me.” She refused, shaking her head side to side. “Look at me,” he demanded again, and still she refused. “Rebecca.” Ignoring the red-hot pain searing through his shoulder, he swept his fingers into her hair, holding her head steady. “Look. At. Me.”
She took a deep breath, and then another, and when she opened her eyes, the fear and pain he saw in their depths only deepened his concern. “Baby, I know you’ve been through a lot. I have too. But I was lucky. And I had help. The JTT, my friends, my therapists, they supported me. Gave me a safe place to heal, to regain my self-worth, and to grow back into myself. You haven’t had that.”
“You don’t know?—”
“I do know, honey. I know, because I watched you. I watched you run. I watched you hide. I watched you isolate yourself from everyone and everything. For the longest time, I did the same, but I know better now. You can’t escape from what Maya did to you, to us, to your parents.”
“Stop!” She let out a sob, but he had to continue. Had to make her see the truth.
“It’s time to face it, Becca. All of it. You can’t carry the weight of this on your own anymore. I won’t let you.”
“No, you don’t know! Not about everything. What she did to me. To us.” Her tears running freely, they streamed from the corners of her eyes, leaving a trail of shimmering streaks drifting into the darkness of her hair. “I can’t just forgive. I can’t just forget. She took everything from me!”
“No one’s asking you to forgive or forget. It’s not possible. I understand that. I do. And I do know what she took from us. I was there, Bec. I saw the news. I read the hospital reports. I know about our baby, and I mourn her too. Every day, with every breath. If wishes alone could bring her back, she’d be here with us now, but we can’t change things, and the only way to keep her alive is in our hearts, babe. To do that, they need to beat. Yours and mine. Together.”
“But she’s all alone, Jay! Our baby’s all alone. I should be with her!” Her sobs filled the room, and Jay’s tears mixed with hers as they fell from his cheeks. “I’m supposed to be with her. I’m supposed to?—”
“No, Becca.” He shook his head back and forth, but at this point, neither of them could see. “She’s not alone. She’s with our parents. Yours and mine.” Arms no longer able to support his weight, he flipped them over, settled her against his chest, and held her tight. “They have her, and they’re keeping her safe until we get there. But we have to wait, sweet pea.” His tears fell harder. “She’d want us to wait.”
They cried.
Each of them breaking apart over the little girl they never knew but loved wholeheartedly anyway. For what could have been and never would be. Not only had Maya taken their daughter, but she’d stolen any hope for the two of them to have biological children. It gutted him, and by all indications, it had damn near destroyed Rebecca as well.
So they cried. For the first time together. Each of them clinging to the other.
Hearts beating as one.
“I’m sorry, Jay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”
“Shh,” he whispered, running his hand through her hair, and sniffing hard to get his own emotions under control. He knew what she apologized for, and now that he had her back, the years apart hardly mattered at all. “Just tell me why you left.”
“She threatened to kill you. Said if I ever contacted you, she’d sneak into your apartment and stab you in your sleep.” Her arms tightened around him. “She said if she couldn’t have you, then neither could I. She meant it, Jay. Every word. And I couldn’t let her hurt you. Not again. So I ran.”
Her sobbing returned with vigour, and he used every last bit of restraint he had left to keep from crumbling under the heavy weight of her sorrow. She needed him. Needed his strength. His patience. His steady resolve.
His heart ached with every broken sound escaping her lips, each one carving deep fissures into his soul. If he could shield her from the pain tearing her apart, he would. But he knew she needed more than his embrace—more than gentle words and soft caresses—she needed to know deep down, no matter how heavy the storm, he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Well, we’re together now, and Maya can’t hurt us anymore. I promise you, she’ll never get close enough to even try.”
Her trembling hand reached for his, and when their fingers entwined, he felt her shattered soul tether to his. He wasn’t just offering her comfort. He was offering her everything—his body for protection, his strength for healing, his heart for refuge. All she had to do was take it. Accept what he willingly gave. He needed nothing in return.
“You were supposed to forget about me,” she said. “Move on. Have a family with someone else. A big, bright, beautiful life with a wife, children, and a white picket fence.”
“I don’t want any of those things without you, sweetheart. I never have, and I never will. Not to rush you, but in case you haven’t noticed, you’re kinda it for me.” He took a risk and planted a kiss on the crown of her head.
She raised her chin and looked at him through red and swollen eyes. “There has to be someone.”
“Nope.”
“Well, you must have had someone.” She put some distance between their chests by pressing her hands into the bed.
“Nope.”
Her eyes widened, two black diamonds sparkling bright before she scrambled to sit up. Her spine straight, her legs crossed, and her knee brushing against his thigh, she looked like a rumpled queen.
His queen.
