If anything said home, it was a comfortable bed, fresh linen, and the soft rumble of Jay snoring beside her. She’d put him through hell today, and he’d been so wiped out he’d struggled to stay awake past dinner.
Hand in hand, she’d joined him when he returned to their room. Had even fallen asleep before him, her emotional meltdown sapping what little energy she had left. But now? After spending the last six days dozing, she lay wide awake, her mind spinning with possibilities.
With hopes and dreams.
With the question of what a life with Jay and the JTT might be like.
Yeah, she could feel it again, the ember of purpose catching fire somewhere deep in her chest. Still, her fingers curled into the blankets with the fear of it all. Wanting something—after years of forcing herself not to—felt terrifying.
And exhilarating.
Because this time, she wasn’t alone.
She had Jay. Solid. Steady. Sure. The kind of sure that didn’t waver when she broke down in tears or went catatonic in response to her anxiety and fear. He didn’t just stand beside her—he leaned in. Held space. Waited for her without pressure or expectation, before doing the exact thing she’d needed, forcing her to face her trauma, like he’d somehow known she’d find her way back to him when she did.
She also had the love and protection of her loud, proud, and sometimes pushy family. Yeah, they were a crazy bunch. Especially Gray. But they were a good kind of crazy. A defeat your enemies before breakfast, cuddle with the baby by noon, family dinner at six, then meet with the psychologist to reset before ending the day—kind of crazy.
Doctor Christina fit right in with them. Sharp. Smart. No nonsense. Crisp and cheerful in a lime green blouse with an abundance of gold jewelry, she’d taken Becca’s emergency video call in stride, and hours later, she still felt the echo of their conversation strengthening her bones.
It’d been short, but impactful, with Becca imparting her fears in a tumble of words accompanied by a new bout of tears and a fresh round of Kleenex. “It’s normal to be scared,” Nalini had said. “But courage isn’t the absence of fear, Becca. It’s what you do in the face of it. Wanting to stay, wanting to put yourself first. That’s new. It means you’ve given yourself permission to imagine a life beyond surviving day to day. But here’s the thing, though—you don’t have to map it out all at once—all you need to do is live one choice at a time. One day at a time. And even then, if that becomes too much and you’re feeling overwhelmed, just sit and breathe until you’re ready for more.”
“Or until Jay throws a boxing glove at my head.”
She’d laughed. “Yes, well, sometimes the people who love us most know what’s best for us.”
They’d talked a while longer, agreed on a schedule for regular sessions, and then Becca had hung up feeling lighter than she had in years. She didn’t have to know what the future held. She just had to focus on this moment. This decision.
She’d chosen to stay.
Not because she had to. Not because anyone expected her to. But because she wanted to. With every square inch of her body, heart, and soul. She wanted this. Jay. The bed. The safety of the lodge. The hopes and dreams. Even the uncertainty. The risks. The dangers of living with and befriending a group of badass black ops brothers-in-arms.
She wanted all of it. All of them. For herself. And yes, it scared the fuck out of her.
Beside her, Jay twitched, his hand reaching out to brush against hers, soothing her even in his sleep. His warmth radiated up her arm, sank into her skin, and blanketed her with the certainty of his love.
She could stay like this forever. Just breathing in the dark. Jay by her side. And she’d be happy. But she’d also be hungry. Her stomach growled a complaint loud enough to wake the dead.
“What?” Jay asked, lifting his head. “What’s that?”
“Shh...” She kissed his cheek. “Go back to sleep.”
“Everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” she reassured before kicking off the covers. “I’m just going to get a bowl of cereal.”
“Bec—”
“I’m fine. I promise. I’ll be right back.”
“I love you,” he said as she left the bed.
“I love you too.” She padded around the room, snagging a sweatshirt from the closet on her way by, and when she reached the door, she paused to put it on before she stepped out into the hall.
A nightlight glowed at either end of the wide corridor, strategically placed at the top of the stairs to illuminate the hazards and drive Eve’s fear of the dark away. Stomach guiding her, Becca turned right to head to the kitchen. A few steps later, she heard a soft cry, and she hesitated beside Halia’s closed door.
Another tiny wail from the baby, and she pushed her way inside. On the adjacent wall, the crib drew her forward, and peeking over the rail, she discovered the precious little girl staring up at her with beautiful dark eyes.
Heart stuttering, Becca stared back in wonder until Halia scrunched her entire face and shrieked at the top of her lungs. “Oh, my God! Shh…” She reached for the baby, lifting her gently and cradling her in her arms. “Shh…” She rocked back and forth like she’d seen Jay do. “It’s okay. We’re okay. Don’t cry,” she whispered in a steady stream. “Don’t cry, baby. I’ve got you.”
