Eric, however, stops me with a heavy hand on mine.
“No, old friend. Calm the fuck down,” he cautions.
“Why, when they’re right there?”
“You have far too many loose ends to tie up, and those two guys there are foot soldiers. Fucking pawns. In the same breath, don’t believe a man like Barabbas is here by himself.”
Damn it. I hate that he’s right. This is so frustrating.
I glance around at the people in the restaurant who all look so normal. A man like Barabbas is going to have backup. I can handle a showdown, but not if I don’t know who’s who and where they might fire from.
“I suggest we keep to the element of surprise and you start small by talking to Tony,” Eric says. “We can then track Barabbas’ movements. Sometimes, you have to watch things play out to get all the pieces of the puzzle before you strike.”
“Okay, I’ll send someone to get Tony later so we can have a little chat.”
I just hope for more luck than during my interrogation with Raul.
20
Natalia
Today is the first day since I’ve been here when going outside hasn’t helped me cope one way or the other.
I opted for being by myself because I couldn’t even muster my usual energy to get the dog. Part of me felt it was unfair to subject Snow to my sullen mood. I’ve heard dogs pick up on things like that. I thought it was best to stay away since I couldn’t even begin to try to fix myself.
Two things were on my mind right from the moment I opened my eyes.
The first hit me the instant I saw Mikhail. I remembered how ruthlessly he claimed me last night and how I gave myself to him.
I’m not a virgin anymore.
That part of me is gone and I feel different—changed. I feel like my body has changed in a way I can’t quite describe and the light of innocence I carried has disappeared.
He took my virginity, and I feel exactly the way I feared I would.Lost.
Lost in the wind and lost in my emotions. Which is what spurred on the second thing. My nightmare.
I dreamt about my mother’s violent death the same way I used to after it happened. A person doesn’t witness such evil and walk away unscathed. I went through everything from nightmares to severe panic attacks and anxiety because I was sure Raul was going to kill us next.
Time lessened the sting, but the worry didn’t go away.
Now the nightmares are back to haunt me. I’m terrified I’m going to say something in my sleep that’ll give me away.
The difference between years ago and now is that I don’t have my father to take care of me, and I don’t have José, either.
All I have is myself. While I might be able to control my thoughts when I’m awake, what do I do in my sleep?
God knows what I said this morning. I don’t. I only guess it couldn’t have been that damning because Mikhail didn’t look suspicious. He knows Adriana’s mother was killed, but I don’t know what he knows regarding the circumstances of her death. It’s not something Raul would have given full details of. So, I don’t know if the bare minimum I told him damned me today, or it might in the future.
I might damn myself again tonight.
Tonight…My chest tightens when I think of tonight.
Mikhail told me to be ready for him when he got back.
I already know what set off the nightmare is everything happening in my life. Andhim. Since everything else is a result of him, the real problem is Mikhail.
What the hell am I going to do?
