“Like what?”
“Fear. In the Bratva, we spend so much time trying to not look weak, we’re all afraid of someone discovering our weaknesses. We fear looking soft when we love, or we indulge in what we love. I have been Pakhan for over twenty years, and the things that balanced me never weakened me. I built an empire based on it and took what I already had and turned it into something legendary.”
He’s right. No other Pakhan has done what he has for both the company and the Brotherhood.
He gazes back out to the lake. I wonder what he sees when he looks out there. He’s looking like he can see something, so I ask.
“What can you see, Father?”
He returns his gaze to me. “Her. Your mother. I always see her in everything. Now more than ever that she’s gone. She balanced me, too. I’ve been avoiding coming out here since her death.”
“How come you wanted to meet here then?”
“Because of the things I want to discuss with you. I have things to tell you I feel you should know. Things to do with your brother and his past.”
My interest piques. “What sort of things?”
“Secrets and lies,mysecrets and lies he’s never forgiven me for.”
34
Mikhail
“What happened in the past, Father?” I give him a narrowed look.
He intensifies his stare and looks uneasy. “There’s a reason why Ivan has always been so abrasive and coldhearted toward you. It’s my fault.”
“How in the hell is that your fault?”
“Because of the bad relationship I had with Tatiana, and how I met your mother.”
Tatiana was Ivan’s mother. Her name is one rarely uttered by my father for the bad memories it unearths.
“It was my meeting with your mother that destroyed my relationship with his,” he adds.
As the confession falls from his lips, a stone drops in my stomach.
“I thought you met Mother after Tatiana died.”
“No. It was before. I knew her many years before. She was our maid.”
My mouth falls open. “What? What are you saying to me? I thought you met her at a business meeting?”
“No. She worked for Tatiana and me while she was training to be a dancer. I met her when she was sixteen. I don’t know what you’ll think of me after I tell you the truth, but I feel I owe it to you.”
“What happened, Father?” I think I know where this story is going, and I don’t like what my gut tells me. It would definitely explain a lot about my horrendous relationship with my brother.
“My marriage to Tatiana was a business arrangement because of the diamond company. That’s how it became a subsidy of Dmitriyev Ltd. It came from her family. So, to merge the wealth, my father forced me to marry her. I… never loved her, though.” He stops again. “All she wanted was for me to love her. I tried. It shouldn’t have been so hard. I’d known her my whole life. She and Sophia were best friends, and our families were so close it was a given we’d get married. When we had Ivan, I tried even more to fall in love with her, but I just didn’t. Then I met your mother, and I loved her from the first time I looked at her.”
“You… cheated on Tatiana, didn’t you?” I fill in.
“Yes. Yes, I did. There is no excuse, and nothing will make it right. Ivan was nine when he caught us together. He told Tatiana, and it drove her insane. I found out your mother was pregnant with you, so I asked Tatiana for a divorce. She wouldn’t give it to me. Instead, she killed herself. She slit her wrists in the bathtub. It was Ivan who found her.”
“My… God.”
That’s why my brother hates me.
This is why.
