I nod, but I promise myself if we do get out of here, I will look after him, too.
“We just have to take each day as it comes,” he adds.
Talk of leaving has me thinking about Mikhail again, and my curiosity stirs.
“Where’s Mikhail, José? I haven’t seen him at all. I just want to know where he is, or if he said anything to you about when I might see him again.”
He looks me over without saying anything, and I think he can sense that my questions run deeper than mere curiosity.
“You have feelings for him,” he states, worry now clouding his eyes.
“It’s not that.” I run a hand over my head and try to smile past my embarrassment at being caught out.
“You can’t fool an old fool, Natalia. I can see it. You can’t give your heart to a man like that, little one. You will get hurt. I assure you, you’ll get hurt. Don’t do it. This is a means to an end and not the path any of the people who loved you would have chosen for you. Please don’t make the mistake of falling for a man who can’t give you what you need.”
He touches my cheek, and I nod, agreeing with him.
I agree. I just can’t get my heart to listen to me.
I’m still trying to get my heart to listen on Saturday as the limousine pulls up at the church.
Sophia is sitting next to me. She is my only company, and apart from José the only person who will be here for me.
She seems excited but I’m so nervous I feel like I might throw up.
I’m on autopilot as I walk in through the back entrance of the church, where I’m supposed to go in for the bridal march.
We’ve arrived just in time for the nuptials.
“You look beautiful, dear.” She fusses over me, straightening a wisp of my hair and removing an invisible piece of lint on my veil.
“Thanks.”
“Are you ready?”
I’m not sure what to say. I’m not ready. The only thing I could be ready for is running through the door we came in and jumping into the first vehicle that will get me out of here.
I don’t want to go through the doors in front of me. Those doors will lead to my groom.
I don’t want to see him and face the rejection on his face.
I don’t want to have these strong feelings for him I never asked for, only to feel like I’m nothing but a business deal.
I don’t want to feel that thing inside me luring me to love him because that will push me to accept the lie I always was to him.
So, no, I’m not ready.
But saying no was never an option.
“Yes,” I tell her, and she smiles.
“Then God speed.” She opens the door, and I take a peek inside at the people waiting for me.
This part should be simple.
I have no father to walk me down the aisle and no one here for me.
Our vows are simple, too. Two paragraphs of a handful of words.
