Great question.
“Just working,” I say in a hoarse voice.
“You swear?”
Why is she forcing me to lie to her? Why can’t she just freaking let this go? “I swear.”
But she knows I’m not being honest. I’m not sure if things will ever be the same between us. I have screwed things up—maybe forever—with the first woman I’ve ever loved.
And that’s not even the worst part. I still need to figure out what the hell to do with those scrubs.
24
I buya bottle of barbecue sauce and empty it onto my bloody scrubs.
It’s roughly the same color as the dried blood, and the smell overwhelms all other odors. Then I stuff the scrubs into a plastic bag and then put that plastic bag inside another plastic bag, put the whole thing deep into the trash bag, surrounded by old pizza and a Chinese food feast that Mason and I shared a few days ago. Then I grab the trash bag and bring it down to the dumpster myself. I’m not entirely sure when they empty the dumpster, but I think it’s Monday or Tuesday.
I should be safe as long as nobody discovers the body before then.
On Sunday, I stop at a florist and purchase a bouquet of lilies, Heather’s favorite, even though I spent a good minute eyeing the red roses. Roses are more romantic, but I go with my gut and get the lilies.
When I get back to the dorm, I race up the flight of stairs to Heather’s room. I grip the lilies in my right hand as I knock on the door. Sweat is rapidly accumulating under my armpits. I don’t know what I’ll say when I see Heather. I don’t want tomake things worse, especially since I can’t exactly tell her the truth.
I’m slightly relieved when Rachel answers the door, looking irritated as usual.
“Is… is Heather home?” I ask.
Rachel folds her arms across her chest. “She doesn’t want to see you.”
I hang my head. “Well, can you give her these flowers?” I ask in a small voice.
Rachel’s eyes soften slightly. “Look, I… I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but you really upset her.”
“I know,” I murmur. “I didn’t mean to…”
“Younever do,” she says. I guess that “you” refers to all men.
Tell her that I love her,I want to say. But that’s not the sort of thing that should come from a third party. I need to tell her myself.
25
I’m donewith my job at Kovak’s clinic.
I had been scheduled to work a few days after Thanksgiving weekend, but I didn’t show up, and I ignored his calls. I can’t imagine ever going back there. The thought makes me sick.
Instead, I head to the library at school to get some studying in. I’ve been keeping my head above water, but without a part-time job, maybe I could do even better. Maybe I could be at the top of the class, like Mason. I’ve earned enough money from my time with Kovak that I could take a few months off.
Heather and I usually study together, but she has been avoiding me since she caught me with those bloody scrubs. I figure I’ll give her a few more days, and maybe she’ll forget all about it.
Yeah, right.
Mason is usually at the library, so I search for him instead. I go through every single aisle of the library looking for him. I finally find my lab partner, Sasha, in the last aisle.
I’ve seen Sasha and Mason hook up. I’m not supposed to know about it, and Mason has been surprisingly close-lipped about the whole thing, but I once caught them coming out of theanatomy locker room together, and you could just tell. It’s funny, because those two are the last couple I would’ve expected to start hooking up. I would have thought Sasha would know better.
“Have you seen Mason?” I ask her.
She’s so small that I have to bend my neck nearly at a right angle to look her in the eyes.
