I always defended Patrice against all the people who didn’t like her—and believe me, there were many. A lot of people seemed to take an instant dislike to the woman. And now, I hated her too.
“It’s you,” I spat at her. “You’re the one supplying the drugs.”
She blinked a few times, as if surprised by my reaction. As if I would simply beokaywith what she was doing. “They’re going to get it anyway. They’rekids. I might as well be able to afford a decent house, right?”
I didn’t even know what to say. I had never been so angry with anyone in my entire life. Even Kurt—he was just imbalanced, not malicious.
“Take the pills,” she urged me. “They’ll help—I promise.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Are you looking for a cut?”
“Acut?” I burst out. “I don’t want acut! Definitely not! And… and tomorrow, I’m going straight to the dean to tell him what’s been going on, Patrice.”
Her body went rigid, as if it hadn’t occurred to her that I might say this. “You’re not serious.”
“I am dead serious.”
“If you tell the dean,” Patrice said calmly, “I’ll blow the whistle on you and Rachel.” I was about to tell her I didn’t care, but she saw the look on my face and added, “That would pretty much destroy Rachel’s life, wouldn’t it? She’d be kicked out of school. No chance of becoming a doctor.”
I gave Patrice a seething look, hating her with every fiber of my being. The hate was emanating out of my body with such force that it was hard to believe she couldn’t feel it.
“Get out of my house,” I said quietly.
“Matt…”
“I won’t tell anyone what you’ve done,” I said, “but only for Rachel’s sake. And it needs to stop. If it doesn’t stop, I’ll go to the dean. I mean it.”
Patrice shook her head as if she thought I might be joking. Ha ha, really funny. You’re a drug dealer—get out of my house.
As soon as Patrice was gone, I called Rachel, and I had every intention, once again, of ending things with her. I’m always full of good intentions, aren’t I?
When Rachel returned to my house, I could see the red around the rims of her brown eyes just before she fell into my arms. She’d been crying. It touched me that she’d been cryingover the idea that we might be over. That was when I really started loving her.
95
The nightthat I found out Rachel betrayed me, I went to the medicine cabinet above my sink, and I contemplated taking every pill in there. I’ve got plenty, thanks to the array of doctors I’ve maintained for the medical issues that have haunted me since I got shot in the head. Hell, it wouldn’t even have to be all of the pills—just one bottle of painkillers would be sufficient to end it all. If I did it, nobody would have found me until the morning, and by then, it would be too late. After all, people overdose every year at Dead Med—I figured it may as well be me this year.
In the end, I couldn’t make myself do it. I was too chicken. Also, I was raised Catholic, and we’re not supposed to do things like that.
But as I sat in my office the night before the final exam, rewriting the questions so that the woman I had loved wouldn’t be able to cheat, I got to thinking about Rachel. About how I had been so worried about her career, I had gone against my moral code and agreed not to turn in Patrice for what she had done. But I no longer had that concern.
That was when I picked up my phone and called Patrice.
“Matt?” She sounded surprised to hear from me so late. “What’s going on?”
“I just want to give you a heads-up.” I gripped the phone tighter with my left hand—the only hand capable of grasping anything tightly anymore. “Tomorrow, after the exam, I’m going to the dean about you. I’m telling him that you’ve been distributing drugs to the students.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “If you do that, I’ll tell him about you and Rachel.”
“So be it.”
“You’re fine with imploding your entire career and hers?”
“Yes.”
I meant it.
