“Hey ladies,” he said, shamelessly staring at my breasts. “Looks like you’ve hit a bit of a dry spell.”
“Excuse me,” I said, pushing his arm off my machine. “I’m trying to win a jackpot here.”
“I’m not stopping you.”
I pulled the lever. No matching symbols. Not even one big black dick.Damn it!How was I so bad at this?
The guy shook his head and put one of his own coins in the slot. “Maybe this will change your luck.”
“Dude, take a hint,” said Chastity. “She’s not into you. Paying for one spin isn’t going to get you laid.”
I started to blush. “Actually, we were just about to uh…go play poker. The machine is all yours.” I yanked on Chastity’s arm to get her to stand up with me.
We made it about three steps before a siren started blaring right behind us. I turned around. My machine was lit up with a bajillion strobe lights. Four breast symbols were showing and the JACKPOT sign above it was flashing.
“Are you freaking kidding me?!” I yelled.
Four topless cocktail waitresses in the weird elephant masks came out of nowhere carrying a treasure chest overflowing with chips.
“Your winnings, sir,” said one of the girls.
“A million dollars and four lovely pairs of breasts,” added another. They all waved their hands over their boobs as if they were showing off a prize on a game show.
“So the symbols correspond to what you win?” asked Chastity. “Man, I was so close to getting four big black dicks!”
“It’s a shame he got the boobs instead of the dicks,” I said. Seeing his treasure carried by four naked men would have made me slightly less depressed about missing out on the jackpot. But then I would have been sad that I wasn’t getting railed by the four hot guys.Seriously, what the hell am I saying?I needed to stop it with the champagne. Although…I blamed Tanner for my current wanting four men mood. He’d left me and I’d become a horny spinster and I hated his perfect disappearing face.
Chastity laughed. “So poker next, huh?”
Thinking about Tanner made my stomach churn. And whenever that happened, I thought about when I Incident #4’d all over Dr. Lyons. I was spiraling. “Or maybe we should just dump all our chips on the floor and leave.”
“Why would we do that?”
“Because we’re gonna lose them all anyway. Clearly today is just not my day. First I lost the promotion to Xander Frost, and now I just lost a million dollars to that jerk. And then there’s the little issue of me not knowing the first thing about poker. All I know is that you try to get 21. Or is it five of a kind?”
Chastity gave me a funny look. “Wow, okay. Blackjack is where you try to get 21. And it’s impossible to get five of a kind in poker. There’s only four of each card.”
“I rest my case. Do they have a table for Uno? I’ll freaking own everyone in that.”
“Since this is a casino instead of a five-year-old’s birthday party, I think it’s safe to assume that they don’t have Uno. But poker iseven better. Come on…I’m a beast at it. I’ll double our money in no time.” She pulled me over to a table and forced me to sit. The dealer dealt us in on the next hand.
We had two aces.Is that good?It seemed good. Chastity whispered in my ear that I should play it. So I pushed a bunch of my chips into the center. Everyone else at the table immediately folded.
“What the hell?” hissed Chastity.
“What?” I said. “I won the hand. Isn’t that the goal?”
Chastity shook her head. “You had the best possible starting hand. And by bidding so high, you telegraphed that to everyone at the table.”
“Since when are you a poker expert?”
“Since always. Daddy and his friends love to play poker. At least…they did. Until freshman year of high school when I took all their money. Now follow my instructions and we can do the same to all these losers.”
Everyone at the table was staring at us.
“I’m not falling for this trick,” said a serious-looking dude hiding behind a pair of aviators. “I know a sandbagger when I see one.”
“Sandbagger?” I asked. “Is he implying our boobs feel like sandbags?” I grabbed one of my boobs but it still felt normal and un-sandbaggy. Everyone was staring at me groping myself. I immediately dropped my hand.
