Then he walked towards my shoe.
No! Bad Matt! Abort! Abort!Where was a lake when I needed it? Why did I think a bush could conceal me? There’d been a perfectly good dumpster right there and I’d passed on it. What was wrong with me? I’d been in a dumpster before and it was awful, yes. I’d had nightmares about it ever since. But sitting in a dumpster was not as awful as Matt spotting me. This is what I got for taking the easy way out.Keep walking, Matt! For the love of God keep going!
“Ash?” he said to the bush as he grabbed my shoe. “Is that you?”
I stayed silent. Why would he assume it was me? That was a crazy assumption to make. It could literally be any shoeless woman.Go away!
“Come on, Ash. I saw you jump into the bush.”
“No you didn’t. You were playing on your phone. And who’s Arsh?” God, that name switch was so silky smooth. He would definitely start walking away now.Shoo.
“Arsh isn’t a name. I saidAsh.Because that’s your name. And I know you’re hiding in the bush.”
“You’re mistaken, sir. You don’t know me. And I certainly don’t know you.”
“Interesting.” He looked down at my beautiful Odegaard in his hand and carelessly tossed it in the air a few times. “So this isn’t your shoe? You wouldn’t care if I just tossed it across the street?”
He had me right where he wanted me. I stuck my arm out of the bush. “Shoe please.”
“Here you go.”
I snatched it from him. “Thank you, stranger.”
“Any time, Ash. You really don’t have to hide from me. Our date happened ages ago.”
It didn’t feel like ages to me. It felt like it just happened. That fire I started… I cleared my throat. “I’m so sorry, but I have no idea who you’re referring to.The incidentnever happened.”
“Did you just whisperthe incidentin a really weird way?”
“No.”
“Is the incident you’re referring to the one where you tried to set my dick on fire?”
“Absolutely not.”
He laughed. “Ash, I’m fine. If you hadn’t run away right after it happened, you would have seen that you only scorched my pants.”
I didn’t respond. I was glad his penis was okay. But it didn’t undo what I’d done. “I don’t know what you’re even referring to.Because I’m not this Ash person you speak of. But she sounds terrible. Now please be gone.”
He sighed. “Alright. But you’re not terrible, Ash. I hope you know that. And you don’t need to jump in lakes and bushes when you see me.”
The dumpster it is then.
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Okay. I’ll leave you alone. I hope you have a good rest of your day.”
“You too.”
“See you around.” He smiled and walked away.
“Please don’t!” I called after him and peered out of the bush to make sure he was leaving.
He chuckled on his way down the sidewalk but didn’t look back.
Phew.That had been a close call of awkwardness. But I felt good about how I handled it. I gave myself a solid 8/10 for creativity and execution. Passing him face to face and having to say hi would have been unbearable. Would we have shaken hands? Hugged? Bowed? Or the worst of all - made fake plans to get coffee and “catch up” some time. Just the thought of it gave me chills.
When the coast was clear I crawled out, pulled a few branches out of my hair, and put my Odegaard on. But not in that order. Because obviously I had to put my shoe on first in order to avoid getting sidewalk foot fungus.
I took a deep breath. I was ready to continue my walk home. And I’d already passed Matt, so nothing else bad could happen. I was basically invincible.
