“Hey. Eyes up here, buddy.”
“I wasn’t looking at your udders. I was checking to make sure you weren’t wearing a meat necklace. I’m one mauling away from getting shut down for good.”
Did he just refer to my breasts as udders?
“On that note,” said Tanner. “Let’s go ahead and rule out anything that’s likely to maul someone. Putting a lion on a yacht surrounded by plates of New York’s finest wagyu sliders is not a good idea.”
“What about a giraffe?” I suggested.
“On a yacht?” asked Tanner. “Please tell me you’ve seenThe Hangover Part III.”
“Ah, right. Maybe a giraffe is a bad idea. I’m not sure Wineflix and Chill would be very happy if they were forever remembered as the idiots who decapitated a giraffe with the Brooklyn Bridge.”
I thought Tanner would laugh, but he was just staring off into the distance.
“Tanner?” I asked.
No response.
I pulled on his jacket. “Hey, Tanner. You okay?”
He jumped a little. “What? Oh. Yeah. I’m fine. I just thought I saw a uh…ostrich.”
“Where?” I looked where he was looking. There was definitely no ostrich.
“It must have flown away.”
“Mhm. Right. Except that’s not how ostriches work. Wanna tell me what’s really on your mind?”
“Just business stuff. I’ll handle it.”
“Anything I can help with?” asked Claude. “I know you’re here about your yacht party, but I can help with all your exotic animal needs. Nothing helps seal a big deal quite like the sight of a panda sitting in the corner of your conference room chewing on bamboo.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” said Tanner. “But let’s get back to the yacht party. We need something exotic but not too dangerous… And bonus points if there’s a clever tie-in to Spaceboy’s performance.”
“How about a dodo?” I suggested.
Tanner flinched at the word dodo. But he recovered quickly. “That would be quite the spectacle. But I haven’t seen one of those in like 200 years.”
“Youhaven’t seen one in 200 years? Ah yes, I forgot about your time spent sailing the east African coast back in the 17thcentury.”
Tanner laughed. “You know what I meant. They’ve been extinct for years. Now, how about Komodo dragons? Those are exotic.”
“I really like the idea ofdodos,” I said. “Are you sure you don’t know where to find anydodos?” I kept putting more and more emphasis on the word each time I said it.
“Nope. If Claude here doesn’t have them, then no one does.”
“What about some other type of dodo? Like a dad who only has daughters?”
“What are you talking about?”
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I know about the daughters, you pervert!”
Tanner looked at me like I was crazy. “What daughters? I’m so confused right now.”
“The ones you slept with.”
“Is she accusing you of sleeping with young girls?” asked Claude. “If so, then I’m afraid I won’t be able to lend you any animals this weekend.”
