“And how exactly are you gonna do that? Have Marty burst into his apartment and waterboard him until he hands them over?”
Tanner considered it. “I guess that would work. But I have a better idea.”
“Are you sure we can’t do the Marty thing?”
“Trust me. I got this.” There was no doubt in his voice. And that made me believe him.
“God, I wish I’d never made that tape. I’m such an idiot.”
“There’s nothing wrong with making a sex tape. Everyone’s doing it these days. The Society even has a workshop about it on the first Tuesday of every month. They have some really interesting pointers about lighting and camera angles. But I think they might under-emphasize the importance of not sending your sex tape to an asshole.” He pulled a little black book out of his jacket and jotted something down. “I guess you’re probably not going to be making any more sex tapes after this though, huh?”
“Nope. Now can we please focus?”
“Hmm?” He closed his notebook and looked back up at me. “Oh, right. We need to get your tape back. Just give me one moment…” He opened his computer bag and pulled out a golden genie lamp. “Just rub the lamp and wish for your sex tape back from Joe.”
I crossed my arms. Tanner’s antics were usually funny, but not at a time like this. “Are you serious right now? You really went out and bought a genie lamp just to mess with me?”
“You mean the way you bought me garlic bread and threatened me with holy water?” he asked, deadpan.
“How many times do I have to apologize for that?”
Tanner tapped his finger against his lips. “Probably about three more times.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry. Now can you please go get my sex tape? This isn’t a joke.”
“I told you. Rub the lamp…”
You’ve got to be kidding me.This wasn’t the time for jokes. He was seriously bad at reading the room. “Fine. Toss it to me.”
He looked horrified. “You want me to toss my lamp? How wouldyoufeel if someone asked you to throw your most prized possession?”
This was getting ridiculous. No. It was beyond ridiculous. But he clearly wasn’t going to do anything until I played his stupid genie lamp game. So I walked over to him and grabbed his stupid lamp. I expected it to look like cheap dollar store plastic, but based on how much it weighed, it might have actually been solid gold.Of course it is - he’s a billionaire.“How much did this thing cost?”
“It’s priceless.”
“Mhm.” I rubbed the side of the lamp. It made my fingers feel all weird and tingly. Almost like an electric shock, but the jolt didn’t hit me all at once. I pulled back. “Happy?”
“You have to make your wish.”
“Oh, right. I wish for…”
Tanner put his hand up to stop me before I could finish making my wish. “Be careful with how you word it. I’m not mean-spirited, but as a genie, I do tend to have a bad habit of misconstruing wishes.”
I pursed my lips. This whole genie thing stopped being funny about five minutes ago. “I wish for you to get all of the copies of my sex tape from Joe Dickson.”
Tanner nodded approvingly. “Well done. Especially for a first wish.”
“I’m glad you approve. Now can youpleasego deal with Joe? We only have until midnight!” I was seconds away from having atotal meltdown and throwing Tanner’s new shiny toy across the room.
“Yup. Just give me one moment here…” He rubbed his hands together and then snapped his fingers.
I glared at him. He really needed to learn when it was appropriate to joke and when he needed to be serious. “Are you done messing around?”
Tanner ignored my question. Instead, he pulled a flash drive out of his jacket pocket and tossed it to me.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Your sex tape. What else would it be?”
