“Yes, I know periods are a monthly thing. I’m talking about the anniversary of Rosalie’s disappearance.”
“Oh.” I bit the inside of my lip. That was indeed coming up. But I’d been trying not to think about it. Although, by actively forcing myself not to think of it…I was pretty sure that meant I was thinking about it. “I don’t think that makes me act differently. Yes, I’ll be sad on the day of. But other than that…”
“Ash. Last year around this time you followed an elementary school teacher for five blocks and then watched her with a pair of binoculars through the school windows. You almost got arrested for being a pervert.”
“Well she looked a lot like Rosalie. And why is everyone so freaked out that I own a pair of binoculars? They’re not the creepy kind. They’re…”
“The fancy opera watching ones. Yeah, I know, you told me. But the year before that you ordered 50,000 baking cups that had a picture of Rosalie’s face on the bottom in hopes that someone would recognize her and give you a call.”
“I stand by that tactic. If Joe hadn’t canceled the order, it might have worked.”
Chastity took a big swig of her wine. “Okay. But you have to admit that your plan to move to Somalia last May wasn’t completely rational.”
“I think it was the pinnacle of rationality, actually. They have a very favorable tax rate. With how much the cupcake business was pulling in, it just made sense financially.”
“Somalia has been in the middle of a civil war for like the last 30 years.”
“Well no location is perfect.”
“Last May you also tried to convince me that we should shave our heads.”
I waved her comment off. These examples were all so random. She was acting like I wasn’t weird the other 364 days of the year. Trust me, I was. “That’s also unrelated to Rosalie. I just happened to read an article about the horrors of head lice and wanted to be proactive.”
“Fair point. Lice are disgusting. But still…my point remains. Your judgment around his time of year is typically a little suspect. I’m just trying to make sure that ditching Dr. Lyons is really what you want. I feel the need to reiterate that he’s a war hero doctor with a giant penis. I don’t know what more you could want in a man.”
I nodded. “You’re right. On paper, Dr. Lyons is perfect. But he’s not Tanner. And Tanner is what I want.”
“Is he? Or does Tanner just feel like the safer option because you know he’s unavailable? And since he won’t even start a relationship, then he can’t break your heart like Joe did.”
“That’s crazy talk.”
“Is it?” She stared at me.
“I’m not crazy.”
She just kept staring at me.
“I’m not sabotaging myself. Tanner gives me butterflies. Honestly, him stalking me every Tuesday and Thursday evening was the only thing that got me through the past few months. And now seeing him at work is the reason why I can bear to wake up at 6 a.m. and put on real people pants. I want him. And I’m going to make him want me. His issues be damned.” I slammed my empty wine bottle down on my coffee table to accentuate my point.
“Alright,” said Chastity. “Then let’s figure out what his issue really is.”
“So you don’t think he’s a vampire?”
“I mean…there’s like an 80% chance it’s that. I double-checked and the garlic really shouldn’t have been cooked.”
I knew it. Vampire!“And that’s why he couldn’t come to work today. It was really sunny out.”
“Fair point. But we should probably rule out some other possibilities before we make that leap.”
“What possibilities?”
“Well…” Chastity pulled a notebook out of her purse. There were tons of notes scribbled on the first page. Most of them were paranormal creatures.
“Those don’t seem more reasonable than him being a vampire. He’s definitely not an amphibious larva of the Loch Ness monster.”
“Right.” Chastity flipped to a blank page and clicked a pen open. “Let’s start with what we know.”
“Okay. He’s a dirty stalker.”
