“I would be dead right now if I put something that large in my mouth.” I was going to show her the correct answer (the sleek bottle of flavored water) when my phone buzzed.
Please be Tanner. Please be Tanner.I clicked on my messages.Yes!!!
Tanner: Sorry I had to leave so early last night.
I had my response locked and loaded. Like I said…I didn’t sleep at all last night.
Me: No problem. I ended up finding a painting that I really loved. The artist seemed so…exposed in it. The most interesting part was how it kept growing on me the more time I spent with it. I even got all choked up a few times. In the end it kinda left a bad taste in my mouth, though.
I giggled at my clever innuendo and hit send.
Tanner: Sounds impressive. Maybe you can show it to me once I get back from Mexico.
Is he asking for another blowjob?Or was he just the most dense human in the world? More importantly…what was he doing in Mexico? Images of cartel assassins stuffing me into a vat of acid raced through my mind. Wait…no. He wasn’t actually in Mexico. Because he hadn’t really left last night. His urgent phone call had just been a cover so he could go hide in his perverted painting.
I was trying to think of a clever response when my phone buzzed again. But it wasn’t Tanner. This time it was Dr. Lyons.
“Oh shit,” I muttered.
“What?” asked Chastity.
“I cheated on Dr. Lyons.” Saying it made me feel filthy. “I mean Anthony.” Why couldn’t I ever remember to call him by his first name?
“Since when were you two exclusive?”
“We haven’t talked about it…”
“And you’ve gone out with him what…three times? Four? And all you did was give a blowjob to Tanner? Yeah, that’s not even close to cheating.”
“Are you sure?” Because I wasn’t. God, what had I done? I tried to get the image of Tanner’s penis out of my mind. But the bottle on my desk that looked like him made it rather difficult.
“Yes, I’m sure,” said Chastity.
“Do I need to tell Dr. Lyons what I’ve done?” I cringed at the thought of having that conversation.
“Uh, no. Unless he’s into that. Do you remember Dan? He loved it when I hooked up with other guys and then told him about it. Like I always say - guys love to feel jealous.”
I made a face. “Weird.”
“It was actually kinda hot.”
“I have to break up with him.”
“What? Why?” Chastity stared at me like I was completely insane.
“Because. He’s a good guy. It wouldn’t be fair for me to string him along. Clearly my heart is with Tanner. I’ve analyzed what happened last night in a thousand different ways, and Dr. Lyons never even crossed my mind.”I’m a monster.Was that how it was for Joe when he was cheating on me? He didn’t even think about me?
“What did his text say?”
“Good question.” I looked back at my phone.
Dr. Lyons:We need to talk. Are you free for lunch?
My heart started beating out of my chest.We need to talk. The only time anyone ever said that was if you were in big trouble. “Oh God. He knows.”
“Knows? Knows what?”
“About…you know.” I made a blowjob motion with my hand and mouth. I thought that was somehow more secretive than saying it out loud, but it wasn’t. Because the guy in the cubicle next to us was looking right at me when I did it. I tried to salvage the situation by wiping my mouth, but that just made it seem like I’d been miming an extra sloppy blowjob.
