“Nope. It was Dexter.”
“That name means nothing to me.”
“He’s an IT guy at BIMG. I played D&D with him and some friends after work one day, so he owes me one.”
“You played D&D?” I really could not picture that.
“Yeah. It wasn’t too bad. Did you know there’s a spell that makes your shirt disappear?”
That didn’t sound right. “Your character’s shirt, or yours?”
“Well, both.”
Oh sweet, simple Chastity. “I don’t know anything about D&D, but those pervs definitely just wanted to see your boobs.”
“I knew it seemed suspicious!” She glanced at her phone. “Dexter says that there’s no cartel chatter about Tanner.”
“What about the mafia?”
After a few more texts Chastity shook her head. “Nope. Apparently there’s no chatter about him at all. Not from the mafia. Not from the Russians. And not from anyone else.”
“You trust this Dexter guy?”
“Yup. He wouldn’t dare lie to me.”
He lied to you about that disappearing shirt spell.“Alright, so let’s assume all the usual suspects are out. How else do we explain his weird behavior?” And the more I thought of it, the more I realized just how strange Tanner was. One of the first things he’d ever said to me was something about a bedchamber. And then all those old movies he referenced. And that thing about the Gestapo.
“I don’t know. But I intend to figure it out.” Chastity grabbed another box. “But I can’t think until I know what Odegaards you have in these boxes.”
***
We stepped back and looked at all the shoes. They were magnificent.
“So which are your favorites?” asked Chastity.
“Hmm…maybe the Medusas.” They were ridiculous in so many ways - the white and green snakeskin, the thigh-high cut, the ridiculously tall heels - but I kind of loved them. It was a shame I’d never have the confidence to wear them.
“Solid choice. But I thought for sure you were gonna choose these.” She pointed to a pair of classy 6” black lace stilettos. “The real question, though, is what the hell is up with those weird elf shoes?”
I picked up one of the white heels with the curly toe. “Yeah, I dunno. Ryder really liked these ones though. They were the first ones he tried to get me to try on at the store.” Another weird thing to add to the list of weird things about Tanner.
“Interesting.” Chastity stroked her chin. “Very interesting.”
“You look like you just figured something out.”
She stopped stroking her chin and smiled. “Yup. There’s only one explanation. He’s an elf.”
“Say what now?”
“He’s an elf,” said Chastity with 100% certainty. “Just hear me out. He must have run away from the North Pole. And now he’s being hunted by Santa.”
I laughed. Santa would never hunt. He was…Santa.
“I’m serious! Think about it. It all fits. It explains his elf-shoe fetish. And why he can’t just pay his enemies off. Everyone knows Santa doesn’t take bribes.”
“Unless the bribe is milk and cookies.” I glanced at the two empty wine bottles on the coffee table. Chastity had insisted that we drink while we opened the rest of the boxes. “How much have you had to drink?”
Chastity took another sip from her wine glass. “Not much. Why? You want more?” She picked up one of the empty bottles and shook it furiously to get every last drop out. Before I could answer, her face lit up again. “Oh! I have an idea. As an elf, Tanner must know that you write letters to Santa every year. What if you write an early letter this year asking for an engagement ring from Tanner. Then he’d propose, and his cover would be blown. We’d know he’s…”
