Chastity plopped down in the one chair in my apartment not buried under a stack of FedEx boxes. This was an interesting test to see which she liked more: Odegaards or juicy gossip. So far, juicy gossip was winning. “So just to clarify…he banged you on his desk?”
“What? No. We just kissed. And why are you focused on that instead of the Mexican cartel that wants to dissolve my body in a vat of acid? #AcidDeath.”
“No. You’re still using hashtags wrong. Don’t use them for morbid things like that. They’re supposed to be fun. Like #JustBangedMyBoss.”
Damn it, I’d been using them in my head so well recently! Why did I always mess them up when I said them out loud?
“And I thought they just wanted to kill you normally?” added Chastity.
“Well Tanner didn’t specify the exact method of murder. But I’m just assuming they’d be professional about it.”
“Why doesn’t he just pay them to go away?” asked Chastity.
“I asked that too. He said that they don’t care about money.”
“A Mexican cartel that doesn’t care about money? And they weren’t even going to dissolve you in acid? That hardly sounds like a cartel.”
I nodded and gently moved a few boxes off the couch. “Yeah, you’re right. I should have known he was still lying. Where is Madison? I could really use some of her anti-man rhetoric right now. They’re such lying asshatteries.”
Chastity raised an eyebrow.
“You know. Like…a shop where ass hats are sold. It’s a few degrees worse than being an ass hat.”
“Oh.”
“It’s a devastating insult. Tanner was devastated when I called him that.” Fine, I didn’t actually call him that. But if I had, he would have been destroyed.
Chastity nodded. Clearly she wasn’t getting it.
“Imagine a hat store, but all the hats are made of asses… You know what? Forget it. Did you see all these Odegaards?!” I gestured to all the FedEx boxes. The ones Tanner had sent me as an apology for running away during our make-out sesh. Or forgetting me kicked out of the Society. Or for getting me almost fired from my new job.
“First, this is freaking amazing. I’m supes jeals (super jealous, for those of you that don’t speak Chastity). Second, were all these shoes an apology for walking out on your kiss last night, or for ruining our lives today?”
“That is an excellent question.” I bit the inside of my lip as I thought about it. “I think both?” Although, he may not have known I’d get almost fired. And he certainly couldn’t have known about the Society thing. Unless he’d been the one who reported me…
Chastity picked up a box and cut the tape with her terrifying fake nails. “That’s what I’m thinking too. In that case, don’t half of them belong to me since he was getting me fired too?”
I stared at her. “Aren’t your feet like two sizes bigger than mine?”
“I don’t care what size they are.” She ever so gently removed a pair of Odegaards from the box and cradled them like a baby. “If I have to cut off my toes to make them fit, I’ll do it.”
“That’s one way to keep the foot freaks away.”
“Speaking of foot freaks, have you heard anything new from Dr. Lyons about your date tomorrow night?”
I laughed. “I hate that segue for so many different reasons. But no, I haven’t.”
“Well, you’ll certainly be going in style. Which Odegaards are you gonna wear?” Chastity picked up another shoebox. “Oh my God, did he send you the new Medusas?”
“I dunno. I only got to look at a few pairs before work.”
“You mean we’re sitting in a room with dozens of mystery Odegaards? The fashion police would stick us in a vat of acid for that.” She grabbed a pair of scissors and got to work opening the boxes.
“You’re confusing the fashion police with the cartel that wants to kill me.”
Chastity shook her head. “I’m calling BS on that cartel story. Give me a sec...” She pulled out her phone and started typing furiously.
“Please tell me you’re not texting Tanner.”
