“Did you just ask the pizza guy to fuck you?” called Chastity from across the room.
I took a deep breath and opened the door again. “Dr. Lyons,” I said calmly in a weirdly low professional voice.Stop being weird.“What brings you to my humble abode this evening?”What? Why am I talking like this? Don’t try to rape him this time!
“I wanted to talk. Is this a good time?”
“What for? To serve with me a lawsuit? Fine. Just get it over with.” I put my wrists out for him to slap the cuffs on me. Which made no sense because that’s not how lawsuits worked. Well, maybe in pornos. But if this was a porno he’d definitely be wearing a super sexy cop uniform. And he wasn’t.
“What? No. I wanted to apologize. I was totally unprofessional. I know it’s not an excuse, but I don’t really have much experience with women.” He coughed. “Er, with examining women’s bodies. As patients. Not in a sexual way. Because I’m a pediatrician.”
I laughed and he looked super relieved.
“Ash!” called Chastity. “What the hell is taking so long? Hurry up so we can decide which of us gets to bang your stalker!”
Dr. Lyons blinked a few times. “Um, should I come back another time?”
Damn it, Chastity!She made it sound like we had a stalker tied up and we were deciding which of us would rape him. Which probably made sense to Dr. Lyons given his prior experience with me. “Ignore her.” I stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind me. “She just likes to mess with people. You should see her when the mailman comes. She always has to play the penis game.”
Dr. Lyons stared at me, completely confused.
“You know. Everyone takes turns yelling ‘penis’ and whoever yells it loudest wins.”
He laughed. “Right. I have friends like that. Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase. I wanted to tell you that I can’t be your doctor anymore.”
“You came all the way here to tell me that? Just to rub in how awkward I was?”
He lowered his eyebrows instead of responding. Which basically meant, “Hell yeah, Ash, you’re awkward AF and I want nothing to do with you.”
I was already feeling pretty low from my stalker not remembering me. And seeing Sierra’s relationship status. I didn’t need this right now. I cleared my throat. “I guess…thanks for not arresting me?”Asshole.I turned to go back inside just as Chastity opened the door.
“Where’s my pizza?” she asked. Then she smiled at Dr. Lyons and looked him up and down. “Who’s this hunky gentleman and why haven’t you invited him inside?”
“This is Dr. Lyons.”
“TheDr. Lyons?” She winked at me. “You said he was hot, but not this hot.”
Usually I would have been mortified, but Dr. Lyons was such an asshole that I didn’t really care. “Well, he just came here to tell me that he didn’t want to be my doctor anymore because I’m the most awkward human being on the face of the earth. If you want him, he’s all yours.”
Dr. Lyons cleared his throat. “I was actually coming by to ask you out to dinner. That’s why I can’t be your doctor anymore.”
Now he was just messing with me. “No thank you,” I said. Because even if he was serious, I could still barely look at him after my attempted rape. Besides, he would just cheat on me with an instamodel or a secretary or something. Did pediatricians have secretaries? No. They had nurses. And that was just as bad. Maybe worse.
“What she meant to say,” said Chastity, “is that she can’t tonight because we’re in the middle of a super awesome girls’ night. How about Saturday at 8?”
Dr. Lyons grinned from ear to ear. “Done.” He turned to me. “I’ll pick you up at 8.”
“I don’t…” I started, but Chastity pulled me inside and slammed the door.
“Ah!” she squealed. “You have a date! And he’s ridiculously hot. No wonder you tried to rape him.”
“Why did you do that? I can’t go on a date with him. Like you just said, I tried to rape him. I can’t be trusted around strangers. You know this.”
“Guess he liked it.”
Huh. Maybe he did.The annoyance of seeing Sierra’s relationship status coupled with the sheer embarrassment of seeing Dr. Lyons had clouded my judgment. It was just nowsinking in that he stopped by because he had a crush on me. I couldn’t prevent the smile that spread over my face.
“Congrats on your new boyfriend,” said Chastity. “Now that you have him you won’t be needing Tanner or that Society membership. I’ll be happy to take both off your hands.”
“He’s not my boyfriend yet.”
