"Boom. You're definitely experiencing a fantasy right now."
"I don't know. Sex in a doctor's office seems cool in my head, but now that I'm here...eh. Getting probed on this awkward exam table feels more like a nightmare."
"Well that's because you’re thinking of it as getting probed. Instead, think of it as getting ravished. Or devoured."
"Now I'm picturing him as a cannibal." I scrolled up to double-check that cannibalism was not on the list of expected behaviors.
"You just have to relax and have fun with it."
"You do know who you're talking to, right? I can hardly have a conversation with a stranger, much less seduce one."
“Well, you don’t have a choice, Ash. I’m invoking Single Girl Rule #8.”
“No.”
“You said he was tall and handsome. I bet he has 8 abs and 8 inches…”
“Stop it.”
“And if a man has 8 abs and 8 inches, he can’t be refused.”
Fuck my life.I hated these damned rules. But also…it had been a really long time since I’d had sex. “My fire extinguisher hasn’t come in yet.”
“Would you stop it with the flaming pants incident? You can’t set him on fire in a doctor’s office. You’re completely safe. All you have to do is play along with the doctor fantasy and everyone will come out unscathed.”
"But I don't know him."
“Exactly. Isn’t that the whole point of your list? To try new things? To figure out what you truly like? To freaking live your life? It’s exactly what you’re trying to do.”
I never should have told her about my list. “Chastity…”
"This is your chance to get to know someone new. With your body."
"Ew, no. I don't do one-night stands."
"Because you married the first guy you ever dated. Taking a few men for a test drive sounds like just what you need. It's not like the next man you find will think you're a virgin. And anyway, guys don't care about that. Most guys would be super freaked out if a 28-year-old woman was a virgin."
"I guess."
"Then what could it hurt?"
"The cleanliness of my…mouth." It came out as more of a question than a statement. Because I had no idea what this wish would entail.
"If he's in the Society then he must have had the same STD tests as you."
"There are germs other than STDs." Visions of viruses and bacteria multiplied in my brain.
Chastity sighed dramatically. "You're impossible. The Society is serving you up a hot guy and your fourth biggest fantasy and you're going to pass it up because you're worried about germs and being awkward?"
"Harsh."
"It is. But it's the truth. Ash, I can't just sit back and watch you be single for the rest of your life. You're too pretty and smart and wonderful for that. You deserve love. Or at the very least, a very good bang.”
"Maybe you're right." Had I just said that out loud? I was officially losing my mind. Not having sex for over a year really did something to a girl’s soul. Something filthy.
"I am. Shit, my food is here. Good luck! I hope you enjoy having your throat swabbed. Or maybe he'll give you some mouth to mouth. Or..."
I hung up before it got too gross. A million questions were swirling in my head. First there was the issue of whether or not the Society even existed. My original hypothesis that it was the work of Liz was clearly wrong. She wouldn't have spent all that money on the spa treatment, and she had no idea how to make an app. Which meant the Society was in fact real. So who invited me? Or Raven? Or did someone think my name was Raven? Was it really possible that my stalker had paid my million-dollar security deposit?
