Stalker Problems
April 2023
Ash & Tanner’s Story – Book 1
Stalker Problems - Chapter 1 - My Stalker
Tuesday – April 4, 2023
I stared at the different smoothie flavors. The strawberry banana was calling to me. But I’d promised myself I’d try a new flavor every time I came here. I was kind of celebrating though. I’d officially signed my divorce papers this morning. Goodbye, Joe Dickson. And good riddance. I thought I might get emotional today, but I was feeling pretty freaking fantastic. Strawberry banana kind of fantastic.Maybe…
“Next,” the barista called.
Oh no.I hadn’t made a choice yet. I hated when this happened. Indecision was the worst when there was a line. And I’d rather drink anything than make someone else feel annoyed waiting.
“Any day now, sweetie,” the barista said and put his hand on his hip.
I hated when he sassed me. So I blurted out the first flavor my eyes made contact with. “Could I please have A Date with Buckwheat Hemp?”Ew, what?The name was kind of cute, but the actual smoothie sounded freaking terrible. I didn’t want buckwheat or hemp anywhere near my mouth. And the date part of the name made me shiver. I hated the taste of dates. And I hated all actual dates. I’d stopped going on them after…the incident.
The barista laughed. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the name of the smoothie or the look of horror on my face.
It was probably my face. Which was fine.Be scared of me, barista man.I preferred my men at a safe distance anyway. That way I couldn’t accidentally set them on fire.Damn it!I promised myself I’d never think ofthe incidentever again. But it just kept popping up. And now that I was thinking about it, I couldn’t stop. It was like it was happening all over again. My heart started racing as I pictured Matthew Caldwell’s dick catching fire. Because I’d set it on fire by accidentally knocking a candle into a saucer of oil and flinging it at his junk. The shriek of horror out of his perfectly kissable mouth haunted my dreams. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me…and I hadn’t even been the one in flames. God, if I ever saw Matthew Caldwell again, I’d just die.
“That’ll be $9.25,” said the barista.
I tried to shake the image of Matthew Caldwell out of my head. “$9.25?” The strawberry banana one was only $7.
He shook his head and pointed to the sign behind him.
All the sass. Why did something so gross cost so much? I pulled out my card and swiped it through the reader, trying not to wince.Please let me have $9.25 left in my account.My card cleared and I breathed a sigh of relief. Being unemployed really sucked. My now-official-ex-husband taking all our assets in the divorce sucked even more. And if I didn’t figure out something soon, I’d end up like the homeless guy in my apartment. I mean, he didn’t live in my apartment. If he did he wouldn’t be homeless. But he broke in all the time and liked to lick my freshly delivered pizzas. Homeless Rutherford and I were not on good terms.
I stepped to the side as I waited for my smoothie to be made. I’d had an interview today for my dream job. And I thought it went pretty well. But I’d had to pee the whole time and was too nervous to ask where the restroom was, so I’d almost peed my pants. They probably thought there was something seriously wrong with me as I’d sprinted out of the room. Why had my bladder failed me at the worst time?Almost.Almost failed me. I hadn’t actually peed my pants.
The barista was still looking at me weirdly as he placed my smoothie down on the counter.Jokes on you, buddy. I’m not interested in dating you.Besides, I was almost positive he was gay.
“Smoothie for Ass.”
“It’s Ash! Not Ass. How many times are we going to have this discussion?”
He just shrugged.
I grabbed my smoothie. There was only one man I was actually interested in anyway. And I was about to go stalk him. Er…view him from a safe distance where I couldn’t accidentally set him on fire. If anything,hewas stalkingme. But I kind of loved having a stalker. The way he stared at me…
My phone started buzzing in my purse.
I jumped, causing some of my smoothie to splash out onto my pants.Gross. Does hemp buckwheat stain?
I fumbled with my phone as I pulled it out. I didn’t recognize the number. What kind of psychopath calls someone’s phone? Had they not heard of texting? Or email? I debated not answering because they were basic, but it was ringing and everyone in the smoothie shop was staring at me. “Hello,” I whispered, trying not to disturb anyone.
“Hi, it sounds like you’re breaking up. Is this a bad time?”
Yes this is a bad time! There’s millions of people staring at me!“Who is this?” Apparently I’d forgotten how to have a normal conversation. Not that I’d ever known how. I tried to huddle in the corner of the shop so everyone would leave me alone.
There was laughter on the other end. “It’s Bee. From…”
“Bee Inspired Media Group.” I held my breath. She was the woman I’d interviewed with earlier today. The same interview that I’d sprinted out of because of my bladder. My dream job.
“That’s the one,” she said. “We loved your ideas. We really think you’d be a perfect addition to the team. If you could start next Wednesday…”
