But Dad has also checked out a bit the last few months.He’s going to miss me, and I worry that once I’m gone, he’ll be trapped with Mum.I asked him once why he never considered getting a divorce.He told me that he couldn’t risk Mum getting full custody of me.If he stayed with her, he could make sure I was safe.
You’re safer in the lion’s den if you have a lion on your side.
But here I am, leaving him alone with her.Years of tending to my mother have left him a shell of his former self.Most days he ends up snoring on the couch with a half-empty can of beer in his hand within an hour of coming home from work.
I’ll come back for holidays, of course.And hell, now that I’m out of the house, he can leave her.I’ll stay with him whenever I visit.I’m an adult now.No one can dictate with whom I choose to stay.
“Darling, could you come up here for a second?”
Shit.Mum’s calling from the bathroom.Probably a last-ditch attempt to get me to change my mind about school.But that ship has sailed.I’ve already paid the deposit for my on-campus housing—tuition is fully covered, thank goodness—and the flight from Heathrow to O’Hare departs in a few hours.It’s too late to change anything.
Still, though, I walk up the stairs to her and Dad’s master suite, where the shower is running at full force, steaming up the entire bathroom.
Mum is at the counter, staring at the fogged-over mirror.She’s wearing a ratty green bathrobe, and her hair, which she normally brushes perfectly every morning, is tangled wildly.There’s an unhinged look in her eyes, and she has that same sweet-and-sour smile on her face that she did that day in the kitchen.
Oh, no.
I walk into the bathroom.The steam hits me like a wall, and I feel it condensing on my skin.
“Yes, Mum?”
She slowly turns her head toward me, her smile not faltering.“Sweetness, Mummy has something for you.Something for you to take to America.Something to remind you of your poor mummy, keep you from forgetting her.”
I squint through the fog of the room.A gift?I wasn’t expecting that.
She reaches under her counter and pulls out a fine crystal duck.One she bought while she and Dad were on holiday in Venice.
I drop my jaw.“Mum.That duck cost you a fortune.I couldn’t possibly?—”
She raises a hand to silence me.“Hush, my pumpkin.Your father and I have discussed it, and we want you to have this.”She clutches at the lapel of her bathrobe.“Iwant you to have this.”
I shake my head.“But Mum, that duck has to be the most expensive thing you own.I really think it would be safer here, not in some student dorm.”
She bursts into tears.
“Nothing I do is good enough for you, is it?I’ve slaved over you since the day you were conceived.Do you know how bad my morning sickness was?”She glares at me, poking me sharply in the chest.“How much time I had to spend cleaning up every ounce of vomit thatyouforced out of my body?How I gave up my career to raise you, only for you to pursue a fruitless degree?”
“Mum, we’ve talked about this.”
“Enough.”She forces the crystal duck into my hands.“You’re taking this.”
I swallow.“Okay, Mum.Thank you for such a thoughtful gift.”
I’m not going to take this with me.First of all, I have no room left in the three suitcases I’m taking with me to Northwestern.And even if I did, I have no way of wrapping it to ensure it’ll arrive safely.I know how haphazardly the Yanks handle luggage coming off a plane.
I’ll leave it with Dad, let him know to leave it in a safe place.Some place where Mum won’t find it if she goes looking around.I know they have a safe-deposit box at the bank.Maybe there.
But all that matters is that MumthinksI took the gift.I’ve learned after all these years to concede to her demands when she gets like this.Once she’s lucid again, she’ll understand why I can’t take this priceless object with me.
“Is that all, Mum?”
She narrows her eyes nearly into slits at my words.“Just one more thing, my pet.”
And she curls her fingers into a fist and punches the mirror, sending glass flying everywhere.
3
MADDOX
