I stand there for a few moments.Finally?—
“I don’t have anything to say to you, old man,” I say.
I turn around and leave my father for the last time.
His whole life over, all to end up pumped with chemicals and wires.Dad would hate that he’ll be wearing makeup at his funeral.He’d say only women should wear makeup, even in death.
But no matter what, we all end up on that embalmer’s table.In the dirt.
Dust and ashes.
Fuck.
* * *
My father’sdeath was one thing.At least his was natural, the result of a heart attack.After the last year of his life, no one was surprised the stress got him in the end.
May didn’t come to her final resting place naturally.She had the life stolen out of her body.
I don’t know what kind of life she led.All we know is that she was brought over from Vietnam and worked at Aces for a few years.
But she met the same dark fate that awaits all of us.
She met it in a particularly gruesome way, and far too early, but she’s gone off to whatever waits for us after this life.
And she won’t get the fancy chemicals my father got.She won’t have a funeral.
You need a body for that.
6
ALISSA
Mum got her way.I’m not going to Northwestern.
Not this semester, anyway.I’ve deferred.
Her untimely death made sure of that.
We put together a nice funeral on a budget.
Correction.Iput together a nice funeral on a budget.
Dad was already phoning his life in pretty hard the last few months, and he’s only become more distant since Mum died.He’s barely spoken a word since…
Since…
I can’t think about it.
I push the memory to the back of my head.
Like Mum would have wanted.Everything tidy and clean, in its proper place.
The church is outfitted in lilies, of course.I was able to negotiate a good deal with our local florist.We cremated Mum’s body and got her a nice urn.White with gold trim, a single heart on its obverse with her name engraved in it.
Her body was in no shape to be on display today, after all.
No.I’m not letting myself think of that.
