I hated myself. I hated feeling this way, too.
I wasn’t ugly. In fact, I didn’t mind my bright green eyes and the flecks of gold that warped through them. Mother said they were just like my father’s. I fetched a cloth and began wiping the tear streaks away, feeling sick to my stomach.
My red-copper hair was tied in a half-up style, which I opted for most days, with a bun tied in the back and a few loose pieces pulled out in the front. I could see my own pointed ears, even if no one else could. Mages know now that their ears must be glamoured to appear like the rounded ears humans had.
No, I wasn’t ugly. But my insides sure as hell were.
I was nothing but a shell containing so…so much rage. I couldn’t think of the last time I felt happy. I couldn’t think of one thing I had truly done right in my life.
Just as I was going to go down another downward spiral of self-loathing, I heard knocking at the front door. I froze, and as Mother opened the door, I heard a familiar voice.
I quickly exited the room, and standing at the door was Quill, holding my crossbody and handing Mother the bag of money that we had earned.
His eyes met mine.
“You came back…” I whispered as I retrieved my bag from him. I was so grateful I cleaned up the smudged mascara.
He frowned. “Of course I did,” he stated, handing it over. “I was waiting where you told me to, but you didn’t show. Thankfully, your home is marked on your map.”
My cheeks flushed.
Mother was peering through the sack of copper when she spoke. “Oh, that was my fault.” She looked at him. “I couldn’t believe someone from the Inner Ring would help us, truthfully. I convinced Lena here of that. But I was wrong.” She pulled out a generous amount of the copper pieces and held her hand to Quill. “Thank you so much for your help.”
He glanced at her extended hand and gave a soft smile.
“Payment is not necessary. You earned that money, not me,” he said kindly.
Mother looked at him in confusion and then back at me. I gave an uncertain shrug back in reply.
Then, her eyes shot open as she glanced at the simmering pot on the stove.
“Oh shoot!” She ran over and then glanced at the wall of dried herbs that hung above the counters. “I didn’t add sage, and there’s none left.” She ran her fingers through her hair, not caring if it fumbled up her bangs, and shook her head. “I need to run outside the wall and get some.”
“No, let me do it,” I insisted. “Finish up the rest of what you’re doing. I’ll go.”
“I don’t want you outside the wall alone, Lena.”
Before I could respond, Quill stepped in. “I’ll go with her.”
I whirled at him. “I can take care of myself.” It came out colder than I intended, but I couldn’t stand appearing like a helpless little girl. My mother gave me a disapproving look.
Quill, to my surprise, chuckled. “Oh, believe me, I know that. You almost gutted that girl after all.”
My eyes widened, and after a second of silence, Mother quietly asked, “What does he mean, Lena?”
“Alright,” I ignored her. “Let’s go then.” I retrieved my cloak from the hall tree and rushed out of the house, Quill following close behind.
We headed to the entrance to the kingdom, or in our case, the exit. Large steps went from the gates that were kept open, all the way to the castle, the Rings being the only thing breaking them up.
“What was that about?” he asked.
“She doesn’t know about the dagger,” I muttered.
“You’re not allowed weapons?”
“That’s not it…” I trailed off. “If she knew I purchased this dagger, it would be me admitting that I should learn to defend myself. Which…I just don’t wish to have that conversation with her.” I couldn’t tell him Mother would be even more insistent that I start practicing my magic. No, I could never tell him anything relating to that.
“It’s not bad to know how to protect yourself, should the opportunity arise.”
