I didn’t want to be seen, so I hurried toward my dwelling on bare feet as stones and sticks bit at my heels and toes, making me bleed. Once inside, I pulled the furs tightly around me, leaving only my eyes and ears uncovered.
Emily and Marcellious stood outside my hide-covered cave of isolation, talking in hushed tones. But their words blasted my eardrums like stampeding elephants.
“We can’t find Roman,” Marcellious said. “No sign of him. There’s no sign of a body, so they either disposed of it or captured Roman and took him with them.”
“Oh, dear,” Emily said. “We can’t tell Olivia. She’s too frail.”
Iknewwhat had happened to Roman—Balthazar had stolen him away again and killed him. Roman was probably hanging from Balthazar’s dungeon in pieces. Cockroaches would drop from the ceiling and nibble at his bloody flesh with wicked, minuscule pincers.
“There are so many dead men lying on the plains. Not one lived save for the few who rode back with me,” Marcellious said. “The Kiowa, those lying, thieving dogs, tricked us all. Even Earth Bear is dead.”
“How is the chief taking the loss of his only son?”
“He’s not faring much better than Olivia is.”
“I can hear you!” I shrieked.
It grew quiet outside, and I thought Emily and Marcellious had left. I hoped they’d left. I didn’t have the energy or the desire to talk to anyone sane. But, no, the door flap opened, and Emily and Marcellious entered, creeping before me like two ghosts. Or maybe I was the ghost, witnessing them from the pit of hell.
“Marcellious will find Roman,” Emily said, the corners of her lips tugged down.
“We’ve got scouts scouring the plains searching for signs of him. We’ll find him,” Marcellious echoed.
“I don’t want to hear this!” I pressed my palms to my ears. “Balthazar has him. He’s chopped him to bits and feeding Roman to his pet insects!”
Emily and Marcellious exchanged a look dripping with sympathy.
“Stop looking at one another! You disgust me right now. Get out of here and leave me alone!” My voice rasped like I was unsure how to speak.
“We want to help you, Olivia,” Emily said, wringing her hands. Fat tears dripped from her cheeks.
I sat up, snarling like a badger poked with a fire iron. “You think you can help me? Do you think you can help me? No one can help me—Idon’t want to be helped! I’ve lost everything. Everyone dear to me, everyone I cared about—they’re all dead.” I crawled toward Marcellious and crouched before him. “And you—you’reevil. Why did you live while a good man died? You were born of darkness, and it will consume you!”
Wracking sobs shook my lungs, and I dropped my head in my hands. “Oh, God, I wish I were dead. It hurts so much!”
“Olivia.” Marcellious squatted next to me, his face dripping with compassion better used on someone other than me. “I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. I lost my beloved Theadora and felt as much as you do.”
I clawed at Marcellious’ face. “You can’t know what I’m going through. I’ve losteverything!”
Marcellious seized my wrists. “I can, and I do know. Theadora was nine months pregnant with our child when my darkness destroyed her. I can help you. I can heal you if you let me.”
I simply stared at him through vacant, hollow eyes. He looked so far away.How can he be so far away and yet so close?Oh, God, I was losing my mind, losing touch with reality. I slipped into delusions, unable to tell the difference between what was real and what was the conjuring of my broken mind.
I gnawed at my fingers, biting my knuckles. “Where’s Roman? What did you do with him?”
“I don’t have him,” Marcellious said. “He was severely injured, bleeding to death. He begged me to ride back here and warn everyone, but I was too late when I got here.
I drew my knees and hugged them. Then, I began to rock, rock, rock some more like a mad woman. “The wolves took Roman. They dragged his carcass away and ate it.”
“Olivia, no,” Emily said. She crouched next to me and pressed her knuckles to her mouth.
“Balthazar has him. He’s dead now. Balthazar sent the wolves to retrieve him and drag him to Balthazar’s dungeon.” I chewed on the tender webbing between my thumb and forefinger, relishing the blood that trickled into my mouth.
“I don’t think so, Olivia,” Emily said. “We don’t believe Balthazar has Roman. Nor were there any signs of wolves.”
I leveled my gaze at her. “The wolves are fat and happy. They ate the dead Sioux, and then they ate Roman.”
I kept up with the rocking, rocking, endlessly rocking while chewing on my hand.
