“Ember, I-” I started, but she didn’t let me finish. She raised a hand, her palm flat against my chest, stopping me in my tracks.
“Don’t,” she said, her voice sharp. “Don’t say anything, Colton.Just… don’t.”
I stumbled back slightly, like she hit me with an actual blow, my heart twisting with a pain I hadn’t felt in years. Only in my darkest hours did I ever allow myself to think of what seeing Ember would be like. It was something I didn’t allow myself to think about. I’d spent the last several years convincing myself she was better off without me, that she deserved someone whole, someone who hadn’t been shattered into a million pieces. Facing her again was something I’d dreaded and looked forward to at the same time. I knew it was inevitable when I decided to return home though. I knew this reunion was going to happen, I just wasn’t prepared for it on the first day back.
I tried again, my voice pleading. “Ember, please, just let me…” Let me what? Explain? I didn’t know what to say and before I could even come up with something she cut me off again.
She shook her head, her eyes blazing with fury. “There’s nothing to explain, Colton. You left. You broke your promises. You disappeared. That’s all I need to know.”
Her words were like shards of ice, piercing through my heart. In an instant I felt all the guilt, the regrets, the self-loathing that I tried so hard to bury, it all resurfaced.
I reached out, just wanting to touch her, but she flinched away.
“Ember,” I whispered, my voice raw with pain. “Please…”
She took a step back, shaking her head, her eyes hard and unforgiving. “Just… stay away from me, Colton. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. Just leave me alone.” She continued taking steps back, further away from me. “If you see me on the streets just do what you’ve been doing for years, ignore me. We’re strangers now.”
And with that, she turned and stormed away, leaving me standingthere. The weight of my past crashing down on me.
I was no longer in the mood for coffee.
Chapter 5
Colton
After the disastrous reunion with Ember, I just wanted to get to my parents’ house and unpack. To try to get some order in all the chaos that was my life.
Pulling into the driveway, it suddenly hit me that at 28, I was homeless. The realization would have been almost comical if it wasn’t for all the hurt I caused the people I loved the most in this world.
My truck rumbled along the long, gravel driveway, kicking up dust behind me. My parents’ property stretched out on either side, nothing but green grass, trees all around us, surrounded by mountains in the front and a creek in the back.
Our house was a modest, one-story, three-bedroom ranch style. It had a big, open kitchen and living room. Huge windows in the living room overlooked the front yard and the long driveway. A wide frontporch ran along the front of the house, complete with the porch swing that my dad built for my mom.
Around the back was an enclosed porch off the kitchen, which led to the back patio with a grill and a picnic table. The parking area and garage were tucked away behind the house.
My parents, Jerry and Paula, were the heart and soul of this place. Dad was only in his early fifties but looked older thanks to years of hard labor. He had enlisted in the Army right out of high school and served a full twenty years. He’d come home to work full-time at the local steel mill, but about five years ago he decided to cut back to part-time. My Mom was his high school sweetheart. They’d married right after graduation, and she gave up her dream of going to college to support my dad and made a home for him, and eventually me. She cleaned houses and worked part-time at the library. We didn’t come from money, but I always had everything I wanted and needed.
Pulling in I could just make out the sound of the creek that ran directly behind the house. It was a welcoming and relaxing sound. My home was a simple house, but it washome. And for the first time in a long time, the thought of being there, surrounded by the familiar sights and sounds, gave me a feeling of peace.
I turned off the ignition and sat there for a moment, eyes closed, my hand still gripping the steering wheel. I took a deep breath, trying to collect myself. Maybe, just maybe, I could find my way back to myself.
I heard the familiar creak of the screen door opening on the back porch.
“Colton?” My mom’s voice, warm and familiar, reached me, laced with a mixture of relief and hesitation.
I opened my eyes and turned to see her standing on the porch, herhand resting on the railing. Her face lit up with a genuine smile when she saw me, a smile that wavered as her eyes immediately filled with tears. I hadn’t seen her, hadn’t seeneitherof my parents, in almost a year. The thought that I’d been away that long filled me with guilt.
With a heavy sigh, I pushed open the truck door and stepped out. “Mom,” I said, my voice rough, thick with emotion.
She stepped off the porch and practically rushed towards the truck, her arms already outstretched. “Oh, Colton,” she said, her voice catching on a sob as she reached me. She pulled me into a tight hug, burying her face against my shoulder. Her embrace was exactly as I remembered, comforting and familiar, but I also felt the years of worry I put her through. “It’s so good to have you home,” she whispered, her voice choked.
I hugged her back, the familiar scent of her perfume grounding me. For a moment, I allowed myself to simply be her son again, to let go of the hardened shell I’d built around myself.
When I felt her loosening her arms around me, I pulled back, her eyes searching mine, her smile fading slightly. “You look tired, honey,” she said, her voice laced with concern.
I forced a smile, trying to reassure her. “Just a long drive, Mom. That’s all.”
She didn’t look convinced. She knew me too well. She didn’t know the darkness that was inside me, or the demons I was battling. I never told her and wasn’t about to. She didn’t need to know. It’s something no mother wants to hear about.
