“My offer?” I mumbled the question though I knew exactly what he meant.
“Satisfying my unfulfilled special needs… weren’t those your words?” he asked with mockery.
Denying it would be futile and probably stupid, so I didn’t even try that road. I had to find another way out of this nightmare. Would I ever learn to keep my mouth shut?
“Why would you want to do that? You said it yourself… that you have no such needs…” I reminded him, fighting to stay in control of my racing heart and my frenzied emotions.
“I don’t… but I’ve had some fantasies from time to time … they aren’t the kind you ask from your wife or girlfriend…” he said, with a sardonic grin on his face. “It wouldn’t be easy to find someone willing to… satisfy them.”
Okay… I was ready to run away. Perhaps, I could make it to the bathroom and lock myself in it until the following morning, before he could catch me. Probably, by then, he would have come to his senses and would let me go.
I cleared my throat, trying to hide my shuddering body from his sharp look. I didn’t want him to know just how scared I was. I knew some men relished a woman’s fear. Daniel did.
“I’m sure you don’t have that kind of issue. Most women would do whatever you asked,” I mumbled, unable to think straight, my brain consumed by fear.
“You include yourself in that group, I presume, taking into account your offer,” he said, and I could sense a hint of mockery on his tone.
He was having fun with this… putting me against the wall to make me confirm my ill-conceived offer.
6
I tried to focus on the current situation, but the possible outcomes of this confrontation kept playing in my mind, and none was pleasant. The more I thought about it, the more frightened I got.
The thought of a man sexually touching me… even this God’s gift to women gave me the creeps. All I had ever gotten from sex had been pain and humiliation. It wasn’t an experience I was willing to repeat… with anyone.
My words to him earlier had been careless and desperate. I guess I would have said almost anything to make him let me stay. Deep down, I never considered the possibility he would take me at my word. He had been quite emphatic while denying his interest.
Why the change of heart? Why now?
“In… in normal… circumstances… yes, I would say so…”
“And these aren’t normal circumstances?” he asked, cocking his eyebrow like the arrogant bastard he was.
“No… we can’t say they are… I’m trapped here… with no guarantee, you’ll respect my wishes… if I say no…” I mumbled, not even sure what I was saying, too desperate to filter the words coming out of my mouth.
“You had no guarantees when you made the offer. What changed?” he pushed me. “Or am I being too naïve? After all, your need is gone. You already have what you wanted, and I gave it to you before we reached an agreement,” he added, in a derisive tone. “I guess I shouldn’t have expected you to keep your word.”
The contempt in his words hurt me, but how could I deny his words? That would mean accepting what he wanted from me, and I couldn’t. I had been a fool and I could imagine how Daniel would enjoy seeing me in this position, trapped by my own thoughtless words.
I opened my mouth a few times, but no word came out of it.
When he jumped to his feet, I instinctively curled up and covered my face waiting for the blow.
A thick silence filled the room, and its steadiness made me lower my hands slowly and look at him. The shock on his face was terrible. My reaction had deeply offended him.
I tried to explain… to tell him it had nothing to do with him, but the words simply didn’t come out.
“The door next to the bathroom you used earlier leads to a bedroom. Use it. I’ll see you in the morning,” he said through gritted teeth as he walked out of the dining room, leaving me alone.
Trembling, I sluggishly got up and walked in the opposite direction, towards the room he had offered me.
I didn’t sleep. Hell, I didn’t even lay on the bed. Not because I was afraid of what he might do to me – his actions in the dining room had told exactly the kind of man he was - but because I couldn’t. I was too restless, too embarrassed, too ashamed of myself for the things I said.
I led him to think I was willing to do whatever he wanted in bed. I brought up the subject and insisted on it, just to back down when he decided to act on my word.
How could I blame him for being mad? All I wanted was to get the hell out of here and forget this had ever happened. I was becoming good at that: forgetting the dreadful things, pretending they had never happened.
While I was conscious, it wasn’t that hard… the problem was during my sleeping hours. Most nights, I would relive the worst events of my life while married to Daniel.
