Seventeen
Shay stared out the window of the Town Car, watching the landmarks that defined Chicago passing by in the distance. What she wouldn’t give to be in one of those monuments right now. Just anywhere as long as it wasn’t here, sitting in the back of this car, tension thick, her pain crushing her chest like an anvil.
Tonight had been a special hell. Between the confrontationand probable loss of her relationship with Trevor and walking in on Madison and Gideon kissing, she just wanted to hole up somewhere and wait out this pain. But how could she hide from it, when she embodied it, breathed it?
Next to her, Gideon was silent, brooding. She’d never seen him brood. Distant, yes. Taunting, yes. Passionate, God yes. But never this dark heaviness that seemed to reachout to her, wrap around her.
Hold on, she reminded herself. Just hold on until she could get out of the car and into her temporary home, where she could break down. But not now. Not in front of Gideon.
“Shay.”
His deep, silken voice stroked over her skin even under her coat, and she flinched away from it.
“I didn’t kiss her, Shay,” he rasped.
She squeezed her eyes shut. Asif she could block out the sight of Madison, her arms thrown around him, her mouth pressed to the one that she adored, needed. But that image would no doubt be branded onto her brain for all eternity. As well as the slashing pain on her heart.
Yet... “I know, Gideon.”
A pause, and then an audible exhale. “You believe me,” he stated.
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Then, baby, look at me. Please.”It was the “please” that had her turning her head and meeting that midnight gaze. “Then what’s wrong? Why haven’t you spoken to me, looked at me since leaving the party? Tell me what I’ve done and let me explain it.”
“You haven’t done anything,” she said, scanning his features. Committing them to memory. “But I can’t go through with this charade. Our agreement is over.”
His head snappedback, his eyes narrowing on her face. “Why? Did your brother convince you to leave me?”
“Leave you?” She chuckled, and it grated her throat raw. “You once accused me of being blind, Gideon. It seems to be contagious. You can’t see that I would do anything to stay with you. But not as a pretend girlfriend or a lover-for-now. I want the real thing. Ideservethe real thing.”
“Shay,” he said,and her heart squeezed so hard, she placed her hand over her chest. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you. Desperately. Completely. Finally. There’s no going back for me. There’s no one else. And that’s a problem, because you don’t love me. You don’t want me other than as a bed partner and a means to an end.”
“That’s not fair,” he rumbled, the skin tautening over his cheekbones,anger diamond-bright in his eyes. “You mean more to me than a fuck. I’ve never treated you like that. I never would.”
“No,” she agreed. “You’ve been one of the few men in my life who saw past the socialite, the family name and money. You saw the business owner, the capable woman. When no one else respected me, you did...even as you used me to get back at my brother. And that’s the problem.Because above all, the first thing you will always see is Trevor Neal’s sister.” She hesitated, but in the end, she had nothing to lose in laying it all out there. “I know about what he did to Olivia,” she said.
Gideon transformed into living stone. Except for his eyes, which blazed with anger and another darker, more heartbreaking emotion.
“How did you find out? SurelyTrevor,” he spather brother’s name, “didn’t confess his sins to you.”
“No.” She shook her head, hurting for him, for Olivia. Shame for Trevor’s despicable actions coating her in grime even though she wasn’t responsible for him. “I didn’t tell you, but Olivia came by the morning after I moved out of my house. She broke down when she realized who I was, and she ended up revealing everything to me. She’s thereason behind the file, the blackmail, the revenge, not Madison. Your hatred goes much deeper than him cheating with her.”
“Yes,” he confirmed, still cold, still impenetrable. “You saw for yourself what he did to Olivia. She’s been emotionally fragile ever since he left her, and she lost the baby. The morning after the blackout, she’d found out about his engagement to Madison. And it senther to the hospital. She’s recovering, but she hasn’t been the girl I remember since before your brother came along.”
“And you’ll never be able to get past that. Not that I blame you. He crossed an unforgivable line, and there’s nothing that could justify it. But even realizing this, I can’t waste one more day hoping you will let it go. Not one more day living a lie. It’s time for me to livefor me, to determine and shape my own future, and I can’t do that with a man who insists on remaining in the past. A man for whom revenge is more important than love...than me.”
“I didn’t ask for your love,” he snapped, and the tone, razor sharp, flayed her already wounded and bleeding heart. “I told you not to let me break you, Shay. I warned you.”
“And I didn’t ask for your permissionto love you,” she countered softly. “Don’t feel guilty, Gideon. I’m used to not being enough for the men in my life. But the difference—what you’ve taught me—is I no longer give a damn. I’m enough forme.”
At that moment, the car stopped in front of Bridgette’s house. Shay didn’t wait for the driver to come around and open her door. She unlocked it and did the honors herself. It was like ametaphor for her new life. She was tired of waiting on others. She was in control of her own fate; she could open her own doors.
And she would.
Starting now.
“Shay.” Gideon’s strong fingers grasped her wrist. “Please.”
“Goodbye, Gideon,” she whispered.
Then, pulling free, she stepped out of the car.
And didn’t look back.
