“The women of Banks Ink. really embraced Tenley during her pregnancy.” Wyatt mutters, “They helped me more than they know. I should probably send a fruit basket.”
Knox snorts, “You should send them a cannabis bouquet. They’d probably like it more than a fruit basket.”
“A cannabis bouquet?” Travis has a thoughtful look on his face. “They make those?”
“Oh man,” Knox groans, “you miss out on the coolest things sometimes.”
“Maybe it’s because I don’t spend hours doom scrolling on social media and have an actual life,” he lobs back, his voice full of amusement.
Knox flips Travis off who grins from ear to ear. Everyone chuckles at their ridiculous interaction, even Carson. My eyes slide over to where she’s sketching on her tablet. After she came back from her brother’s wedding, she seemed lighter for a littlewhile, like she just needed a bit of home to stabilize, but I’ve noticed that she’s been getting quieter again.
“I have a feeling there’s going to be a whole baby boom in my hometown,” Carson pipes up, her eyes fixed on her tablet. “I just heard about how my youngest brother has fallen in love. I swear there’s something in the water there. And ranch people love popping out babies,” there’s a wistful quality in her voice which has me wondering if she wants to be one of those ranch people popping out babies.
“I know you’re missing your nephew, Macklin,” Wyatt’s voice is gentle as he speaks to Carson.
When she got back from Montana, she showed us a lot of pictures of her sister-in-law’s son who has been accepted into the fold of her family fully and without hesitation. The whole thing warmed my heart.
That’s not what happened to me when I was growing up. The men my mom brought into my life were never there long, and they sure as hell never treated me like I was their son without a single care about biology. I have no doubt things would have been so much better for me I had some stability in my fucking life, and it didn’t feel like there was a revolving door on my mom’s bedroom.
Macklin’s a lucky little boy. I shouldn’t feel jealous of a kid, but part of me is. I’m also so fucking happy for him, and I haven’t even met the kid. Every child should feel love instead of wondering if it’s their fault every time someone leaves.
Now, as an adult I know it wasn’t my fault. It just wasn’t going to work out between my mom and whoever she was with at the time. But when someone swoops in and plays dad for a shorttime, only to disappear or be replaced, it feels like emotional whiplash, and I internalized that shit for most of my life.
I’m not sure I’m over it even now.
It’s one of the reasons why I’m not interested in being a father myself. I never had one. How could I even begin to be what a kid needs?
“You missing home, Carson?” Monroe’s question is soft.
Carson looks up and meets her eyes before shrugging one shoulder like she’s trying to be casual. “Yeah. Eden’s pregnant and I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before Noel and Huxley knock up their women. Then there’s Mack.” She sighs, “It’s a lot to miss.”
Her words are heavy in the room, and I share a look with Wyatt. I have a feeling Carson won’t be sticking around much longer. She’s going to answer the call to go home, even if she’s trying to deny how she can hear it echoing off the mountains and hitting her square in the chest.
The bell rings on the front door. Normally, I don’t even hear it, but this time it feels like a gong with the way it reverberates through my body even though it doesn’t make any sense.
CHAPTER 6
AVERY
I woke up this morning feeling great. That should have been an instant red flag. After the last four months since I found out about the little peanut I’m carrying, waking up and not feeling like I was going to be sick, or not having crippling anxiety about everyone finding out I’m pregnant should have had me on high alert.
It didn’t.
Instead, I was happy when I could eat a normal breakfast and not puke. I was happy about my blazer fitting just right over my dress to hide my baby bump which had popped out of nowhere. I was happy to find myself on time for work and didn’t have to make any excuses. Hell, I was happy I didn’t wake up exhausted.
Do you know how hard it is growing a human? I had no idea until four months ago when I looked down at the pregnancy test and realized the timing with Bridger was not as safe as I told him it was when he admitted the condom broke. In that moment, it felt like my world was imploding and the ground was pulled right out from underneath me.
The first instinct I had when I found out was to reach out to Bridger and tell him. But then I remembered how we didn’t exchange numbers, didn’t talk about anything beyond one nighttogether, and how I snuck out of the hotel room while he was still sleeping.
Fear gripped my heart, and I didn’t know what to do other than go it alone. It’s not like I’m not used to forging ahead and doing things on my own. It’s kind of my bread and butter.
Would it have been nice to have someone at my side for the first doctor’s appointment and every time I was trying to not be sick or was sick? Absolutely, but loneliness isn’t something I needed to get used to. Longing for something else and for someone to care about me is my norm. Why would finding out I’m pregnant be any different?
It’s not like I’m never going to tell Bridger, I am. Soon. I think. Maybe.
The thought of him looking me in my eye without a single emotion in his eyes and telling me I’m not wanted, that our baby isn’t wanted, has kept my lips sealed. I don’t think I can take that kind of rejection. Not right now.
Not when everything feels so fragile.
