“Why did you?” I ask. His patent astonishment at my thinking he had feelings for Brandon has made all my worries disappear like smoke on the breeze.
He shrugs. “I saw him at the club. I was attracted to him.” He plays with my fingers, looking down at them with a seeming fascination. “I thought I could maybe do this. I could have sex with the same man for a while rather than a never-ending succession of strangers. For a while, it worked. I was fond of him. I still am fond of him.” He takes a breath. “And then he—” He falters. “I tried to end it and?—”
I suddenly remember the scars on Brandon’s wrist when he helped me up in the bathroom, and I know what happened with a deep and sickening certainty.
“It’s okay,” I say quickly.
“I know that he spoke to you that night and said things he shouldn’t have, but please don’t think too badly of him. He’s in therapy now. I’m hoping it helps him.”
“I hope that too. There’s no need to say any more.”
He looks up at me in relief. “I think I do need to say this.” He strokes my hair back. “No one has ever had the effect on me that you do, and no one ever will. If you are worried about competition, you have no need. There willneverbe anyone who means as much to me as you.”
Hope and warmth fill me so fast that it makes me feel dizzy. It’s like my heart is a hot-air balloon, and he just gave me the energy to travel to the moon.
I lean in and press a kiss to his cheek, nuzzling against him. “You’re a different man here,” I say, struck by his appearance. “You look content.”
His mouth quirks. “You know very well that isn’t Norfolk. Turn around and stop fishing.” He keeps his gaze firmly fixed on the sea. His mouth might twitch but I can’t be sure.
Eventually, I huff and spin around to look at the sea, too. It’s an interesting view, but today I’d rather be looking at something—or someone—else.
He takes a deep breath, and his body seems to vibrate. Incredibly, I think he might be nervous. I give his hand a squeeze.
“Could you ever see yourself coming here at weekends?” he asks. “It’s not as isolated as it first seems. There’s a large town ten miles away, and Norfolk itself is beautiful.”
He’s rambling, and I bite my lip to hold in my smile. After a moment, I slowly say, “Well, I’ve never been against holidays.”
There’s a brief silence as he considers this. Then he says, “I have something to ask you.”
“Oh yes? Should I turn around, or do you want to continue talking to the back of my neck?”
“I do like that place on you. It’s almost a sacred space, given that there’s no mouth there to make the usual noise.” I turn around as he grumbles, but when we’re facing each other, he eyes me, his face soft and open in a way I’m still not used to. “I would like us to see each other,” he says.
I bite my lip, pushing down the instinctive burst of happiness. “Not paying?”
He shakes his head immediately. “No. Never again. I mean, really seeing each other.”
“Why?” I want to throw caution to the wind, but I can’t this time. This is too important.
He huffs. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”
I nod solemnly. “Would you like me to say it first, love?”
His eyes flare at the endearment, but he shakes his head. “No. I can say this to you because I’m safe with you.”
“Always.”
His mouth twitches. “Am I allowed to talk now?”
“Please proceed.” I throw in a lordly gesture to make him smile but soften as he takes my hand and drops a kiss on it.
“Nothing is the same without you,” he says quietly. “You’re so different from anyone I’ve ever known.” His eyes look almost scared. “I think I love you.”
I’ve heard more flowery declarations from men before him, but none ever got my heart right in the centre like his unsure words. “Why?” I whisper.
“Because you’re like human sunshine. You’re so positive and kind and being near you warms me right through. And yet you don’t want anything from me except myself. I don’t think you know how much of a rarity that is in my life. And so, I found myself walking the streets in Paris making up stories about complete strangers and taking fifty thousand photos of you by a bloody windmill.” I chuckle and a smile touches his mouth. “You make me laugh,” he continues softly. “You challenge my brain, and you force me to be a part of this world when I’ve spent years isolating myself with work and money. You make me care. Just about you,” he adds quickly, making me want to laugh and cry. “The rest of the world still largely consists of idiots.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
