“That would imply that I might miss you at a later point, if not now. How disturbing.”
I smile. He’d insisted that I move back in with him after that night at the club. I’m grateful for the place and his friendship. Yet, I feel stuck there—caught and unable to move forward or back. I’m in a holding pattern, but for what? I don’t know.
“What’s up? You can’t be calling about the washing-up because I did the pots before I left.”
“That would only be impressive if you contributed to making them dirty. You hardly eat.”
“I know. Sorry. Haven’t been hungry lately.”
“Hmm.” There’s a pause. “I need to tell you something.”
“What is it? Hang on.”
A customer approaches the counter. Julian continues to call my name urgently on the phone, but I ignore him. I ring up the man’s petrol and purchases, cradling the phone on my shoulder, and watch as he runs his card through. After giving him his receipt, I go back to my call.
“Sorry,” I say to Julian. “I was dealing with a customer. You said you needed to tell me something.”
“Yes. And you can’t be mad at me. I had a visitor tonight.”
“Who?”
The door sounds again. I look up, and everything stops—my breath, my heart, everything in the shop except for the man strolling towards me.
“Mac,” I breathe.
“Well, yes,” Julian says in my ear. “How on earth did you guess that?”
“I’ve got to go.”
I click End on the call as my eyes eat up Mac like he’s ice cream on a hot day. He’s wearing jeans and a striped shirt, and his dark hair is a little longer than usual. It’s unusually messy for him—as if it fell into his face, and he scooped it back. It’s similar to his sex hair, and my belly heats. But then I notice the rest of his appearance. Dark circles are under his eyes, and his face is thinner than when I last saw him. He looks haunted. I see the same thing whenever I look in the mirror.
“You lookterrible,” I breathe as he approaches the counter.
His smile is wry but there’s an almost tender edge to it. “How delightful to see you too. I notice you haven’t gained any social graces in the month since I saw you last.”
“It would take more than a month for me to gain any of those,” I inform him. My whole body is waking up and tingling like warmth returning to my limbs after being out in the cold for too long.
“We would need an eternity just to teach you not to talk with your mouth full.”
I lean towards him, helplessly drawn to him as ever. “Hello, you.”
A spasm of something that looks like pain twists his face. “Hello, Wes,” he replies hoarsely.
“What are you doing here?”
He cocks his head. “Getting petrol?”
I smile involuntarily and then immediately feel despair, becausewhycan’t I get rid of these useless feelings? One second with him, and all the cravings are back in full force. “Is that a question? When was the last time youevergot petrol?”
He shrugs. “I do manage to look after myself. It isn’t all servants.”
“Then who’s making you food, because they’re not doing their job,” I shoot back. I examine his face. “You’re too thin, babe.” I blanch at the endearment I’d let slip, but he doesn’t seem to notice.
“You know I forget to eat when I’m busy,” he says.
I wonder what he’s been busy with, but of course, I don’t ask.
He shifts his weight, looking awkward. “It’s not the same without you.” He straightens. “Your nagging me to finish my food does add a certainje ne c’est quoito a meal.”
