Abby felt a wash of shame. She knew Ellie was talking about the fact they were meant to have met up. Abby had never replied.
‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘Work...there’s been a few changes,’ she stumbled, evasively. ‘It’s kept me more occupied than usual.’
‘What changes?’ asked Susanna.
‘Sorry?’
‘You said there were changes?’
She had, damn it. Why hadn’t she thought before opening her big mouth? And now they were both looking at her again.
‘I, er...I had a promotion.’
‘Oh right,’ said Ellie. ‘What kind of promotion?’
‘I’ve, er...I’ve been made a director.’ Abby knew she sounded apologetic, and it rankled. She was over the moon about her new role, had worked so hard for it.
‘Congratulations,’ said Ellie eventually.
‘Thank you.’
‘Yes, congratulations, Abby. That’s great,’ said her mother breezily. ‘Now, who’s for dessert?’
Abby knew she wasn’t a child anymore and didn’t need her mother’s approval, but it still stung.
When does that feeling of longing for parental endorsement go away?she wondered as she lay in bed that night, the first to go up as she was so exhausted. She was a fool. There she was, a successful business leader on a huge salary, but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that at home she was very much second best. Worse, it still had the power to wound her deeply.
‘Merry Christmas!’ they all chorused to each other the next morning. The sleet had turned to snow overnight and the unexpected surprise of a thick blanket of white over the garden seemed to bring in a sensation of newness, of starting afresh. Susanna popped a bottle of champagne and poured them each a Buck’s Fizz.
‘Right, presents!’ declared Ellie, as she moved into the living room and pulled two gifts from under the tree. She handed one to Abby, then sat back with a huge smile on her face, impatient for her sister to open it.
Abby undid the fabric bow and peeled off the beautiful paper to find a jewellery box. Inside was a bangle made of hammered gold. It was so elegant and stylish, Abby gasped. She instantly fell in love with it, but found it hard to accept. She was worried.
‘You like it?’ asked Ellie, pleased.
‘It’s beautiful,’ said Abby.
She saw Ellie was looking at her expectantly. There was nowhere to hide. Abby retrieved her gifts from under the tree and handed one to Ellie. The smile on her sister’s face died as she removed the wrapping paper.
‘It’s a calendar,’ said Ellie.
‘An academic one,’ said Abby. ‘I thought it would be useful...you know, with you being at school. September to September.’ Her sister’s face was so crestfallen, Abby could barely look. Then Ellie found the other item in the package.
‘And a pen,’ she said.
Abby nodded. When she’d bought it, she’d been really pleased with it. It wasn’t a Montblanc or anything like that but it was a fancy rollerball, in a blue and chrome casing. She looked down at her bangle. It was clear their gifts were wildly different in value. Abby’s guilt rendered her silent for a moment and then she suddenly found herself getting annoyed.
‘I thought we had a budget,’ she said.
‘What?’ said Ellie.
‘I sent an email. Twenty pounds each. I’m sure I did.’
‘Well, sorry if I didn’t get your memo on having a tight Christmas.’
‘It’s not tight,’ said Abby hotly. ‘It’s...’ She was at a loss as to what to say. She could see that to some people it might seem miserly, but actually too much was spent at Christmas anyway; it was all so horribly commercial. ‘It’s sensible,’ she declared.
Ellie choked on her Buck’s Fizz. ‘OK, good. As long as we’re being sensible.’
