I started crying. “Miller…”
“I love you. With all my heart. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?” He opened up the ring box.
It wasn’t anything like the ring Matt gave me. This one was simple. Just a thin elegant gold band with a small single diamond in the middle. It was classic. It was…it was perfect. And yet… “I can’t.” I took a step back from him. “I can’t.” It felt like I was choking. I pictured Matt’s face when he’d fake proposed with a hotdog. I pictured being sprawled in the sheets with him as we talked about getting married. I pictured joking with him when I said he’d be my first husband. And he promised he’d be myonlyhusband. I pictured the wedding we were planning. I pictured the future I’d imagined with him. With kids and our friends and… “I can’t.”
I took another step back. I wanted to turn around and run. I wanted to run as fast and as far as I could. I wanted to run away from the pain in my chest. I took another step back.
Miller stood up and put his hands on my shoulders. “Okay. That’s…that’s fine. You don’t have to say yes. That’s why it’s a question.” He smiled but there was so much pain in his eyes.
I dropped my face into my hands. What was I doing? Why did I want to suddenly run away from the one person I had? The one person who loved me? The one person who actually cared whether I was alive or dead? The one person who cared if I smiled and laughed every day? Miller had given me his whole heart. And I’d only given him fragments of mine. All I had to offer him were the pieces of my heart that weren’t broken.
“I’m sorry,” I choked.
“It’s okay.” He pulled me into his chest, running his hand soothingly up and down my back. “You’re not ready. It’s okay, Brooklyn.”
But that wasn’t the truth. Nothing about this was okay. And it had nothing to do with me not being ready. I was ready. I loved Miller. I was head over heels in love with that man. But I’d made a promise to Matt. Yes, I’d joked around with him about being my first husband. But I’d meant my first and only. How could I possibly accept this proposal?
But that was the whole problem…I was upset because I did want to accept. I held Miller tighter, letting my tears stain the front of his shirt.
“It’s okay,” Miller said again, more believably this time. “I’m happy. Right here, right now. With you. I can’t imagine being any happier. I shouldn’t have tried to change anything…”
“No.” I took a step back from him again. Yes, I’d made promises to Matt. But I’d also promised myself to put those demons to rest. I promised myself to live in the moment. To let my past go. There were tears in my eyes again as I looked up at Miller’s face.
I reached out and gently traced the scar under his eye with my index finger. I stared at the hurt in his eyes. We were an us. It was us against my dad. Us against Isabella. Us against the whole world. I just needed more time. I was trying so hard to live in the present. And being terrified of the future was the exact opposite of that. I’d be ready soon. I would be. Just not yet. I needed just a little more time. “I’m not ready to get married.”
“That’s okay. I’m sorry, Brooklyn. I just…”
“But I want this.”
“What?”
I reached into his pocket and grabbed the ring box. “I want this. I want to be your fiancée. Do it again and this time I won’t mess it up.” I pushed the ring box into his chest.
He laughed. But he didn’t protest at all. He got back down on one knee. “Brooklyn, one day I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. But in the meantime, I’m promising you forever. Will you marry me one day, when you’re ready? Will you be my fiancée?”
“Yes.” This time my tears were happy ones. This felt less scary. This was a promise. But it gave me time.
He slid the ring onto my finger. And even though it was lighter than the one Matt had given me, it felt heavier. More important. More…everything.
This ring meant I was living. It meant I’d found love again. It meant I wasn’t broken.
Miller lifted me in his arms, twirling us around.
I laughed and looked up at the stars, trying hard not to start crying again.
Because as happy as I was…this ring also meant that one day soon I’d be exactly what Matt had called me. I hadn’t given Miller any new firsts yet. But when I walked down the aisle with him? I’d be exactly what Matt called me. His last words to me.Liar.
I closed my eyes and held Miller tight. Because I didn’t care if I was a liar or not. All I cared about was that I was happy. Just like Miller had said. I was happy. Right here right now. With him. I couldn’t imagine being any happier.
He set me down on my feet again and I looked up at the fairy lights. Maybe it was always me and Miller written in the stars. I was supposed to have loved and lost all along in order to find this love. A great love.
“Just tell me when you’re ready,” Miller said as we started swaying to the music again. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.” His lips dropped to my neck.
He was the world’s most patient man. I looped my hand behind his neck, guiding his lips to mine. I kissed him like I’d just said yes to his first proposal. I kissed him like I was ready to marry him. Because in my heart…I was. It was my head that was all messed up.
“I love you,” I whispered against his lips.
“Be careful, Henry over there is getting jealous.” He nodded toward my tomato plant.
