He didn’t ask why the ice cream was for fall. He just looked up with a smile on his face. Because he knew.
Memories had a strange way of fading. But it was weird with Miller. Like for some reason all the ones with him were brighter. More clear. Like I was hyper focused on every moment we’d ever shared.
I waited for him to say something…but he didn’t.
“I wanted you to know that I’ve loved every season with you. And I want to keep spending every season with you. And I don’t care if we’re in NYC, or the beach, or here. I mean, I’d prefer to stay here.” He still didn’t say anything, so I kept rambling. “I think maybe the whole time I actually picked out the perfect place for us. Not just you. But us together. And I want to stay. If you’ll have me.”
He looked back down at the ice cream container in his hand.
“I know I hurt you. And I can’t really explain away what I did. All I can say is that I was broken. But…I took that time away to heal. And I know what I want. I want you and only you. And I know that we’re hiding out from my dad. But I don’t think this place will feel like a cage. I think everywhere I am with you just feels like…home.”
He still didn’t say anything.
“I know I said I’d rather be in a cage with you than anywhere without you. But…I think I had it all wrong. My mind has been so twisted about my feelings of the beach house. I loved being there with you. I had some of the best days of my life there. And I think I was trying to convince myself that I was sick in the head for thinking that. How could I possibly be happy locked up? But I wasn’t locked up. I had my best friend there with me.”
He cleared his throat. “You want some ice cream?” He stood up.
What?“Miller.” I stood up and grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong? I…” my voice trailed off when I saw that there were tears welling in his eyes.
I’d seen him this emotional once before. When I told him I was choosing Matt the first time. I swallowed hard. “Miller?”
He exhaled slowly. “Do you really want to stay? You want to use all these things with me? You want to live here even though you can’t use your real name outside these walls?”
“Of course. All that matters is that we’re together.”
“You already broke me once, Brooklyn.”
I blinked away the tears in my eyes. “I know. I don’t think there’s anything I can say to undo what I’ve done. But…I’m here. I’m choosing you.”
“I want to believe you. I really do. But if you stay and then decide that Matt is…”
“Matt and I are over.” The words were final. And I felt them. Matt was happy. I deserved to be happy too. “I’m not going to walk away from us. I promise.” I was good at keeping my promises. A lot better than Matt was. And I wouldn’t break this one. As soon as I’d jumped in Miller’s arms outside this morning, it felt like my heart had started beating again. Yes, Matt used to make me feel alive. Before he was happy that I was dead. But now? Miller made me feel everything. “I promise,” I said again. I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him.
“Don’t break me again,” he said against my lips.
I wouldn’t. I knew how easily hearts could break. And I’d never do that again. “Nunca.” I kissed him again. “I love you.”
And when he kissed me instead of saying it back…I realized that he hadn’t said it yet. He had back at the beach house. He’d told me he loved me. He’d asked me to choose him. And I hadn’t.
I loved him. I knew that now. I’d given my heart time to heal. I’d taken the time I needed. But maybe he needed more time.
That was okay. I wasn’t going anywhere.
Runaway - Chapter 32
Friday
I slowly opened my eyes. My head was on Miller’s chest and he was breathing softly. Each rise and fall of his chest made me smile more. I couldn’t imagine being any happier. Although…there was something I wanted to do. Well, two things. But the first thing had to wait until the snowplow came through and we could go to the store. Which left the second thing.
“Miller, wake up.” I kissed his cheek. “It’s a snow day.”
He groaned.
“Come on.” I lightly slapped his butt and sat up. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d gotten to play in the snow. Sometime before my mom had gotten sick.
I climbed out of bed and opened up my backpack, knowing full well that I didn’t have anything warm enough for the snow. Miller had wandered out to my car to grab it last night. He’d come back with his teeth chattering. If we weren’t going to touch my dad’s money, then I was going to need to get a job as soon as the snow cleared. Miller needed a warmer winter jacket. And I needed one too.
I started rummaging through his drawers. I found another pair of sweatpants and layered them with the ones I’d borrowed yesterday.
