Before leaving, I pulled my hair up into a ponytail. Dancing with your hair down was for amateurs. My hair was more dirty blonde than brown now. I was pretty sure in a few weeks it would just be blonde again. It was going to be nice to look in the mirror and seemyself again. Although my hollow cheeks kind of gave away that I wasn’t the same Brooklyn anymore.
I loved cooking, and I cooked dinner every night. But I couldn’t afford much. I ate a ton of food every morning at the diner because it was free. At night I usually made boxed pasta with a jarred sauce. Or peanut butter and jelly. That wasn’t much to dance about. Which was fine, because I was usually pretty tired after cleaning things all afternoon. I was tired right now. My bed was calling to me. But I wasn’t one to back out of plans. That felt as bad as backing out of a promise. And I wasn’t Matt.
I decided to walk down the beach instead of the street. I rolled up the bottom of my jeans so they wouldn’t get wet and held my Keds in my hand. It had been a long time since I’d worn my favorite shoes. They used to make me feel close to my mom. But now they were just a reminder of everything I’d lost. Her. My uncle. Matt.
They were still the cutest shoes I owned though. And they were perfect for dancing. I saw the neon lights of Barracuda and made my way up off the beach.
Heidi and Amelia were standing outside the club. There was a line stretched around the side of the building. They spotted me walking up from the beach and waved.
They were both in tiny dresses and heels so high I didn’t know how they weren’t falling over. And both of them had their hair down. Amateurs. How were they going to dance in those shoes? And their hair was going to get all sweaty on the back of their necks.
They were staring at me like I was the amateur though as I kicked the sand off my feet and pulled on my Keds. I unrolled the bottom of my jeans, even though I knew that wasn’t why they were shocked by my outfit. Their stares reminded me of how Isabella looked at me. Like I didn’t fit in. Like I would never belong.
“How are you guys?” I said.
I half expected them to ditch me.
Instead, Heidi smiled and looped her arm through mine. “Ready for the time of our lives.”
“Ready to make all the guys drool,” Amelia said and grabbed my hand and pulled us toward the doors.
“Don’t we have to go to the back of the line?” I asked.
“Psh. No. They’ll let us in. We’re hot.”
As we got closer to the doors, I realized that most of the people in line were men. Or couples. And Amelia was right. The bouncer lifted the red rope and let us in without blinking an eye. Well, he may have blinked a couple times at my ID.
I tried to stand up a little straighter.Please just let me in.I didn’t want to make a scene. I wasn’t even going to drink. I tended to make bad decisions when I drank.
The bouncer looked back and forth between me and my ID one more time and then handed it back. I breathed a sigh of relief and hurried through the doors behind Amelia and Heidi.
The music wasloud. Ground shaking loud. The last party I’d been to had been at Matt’s house on Halloween. Barracuda wasn’t nearly as glamorous as that.
It was all neon lights flashing and sweaty bodies pressed too close. It smelled like stale liquor. It was horrible. And for some reason…I loved it. Because it was dark. And loud. And I could keep being invisible.
Heidi pulled me over to a table and ordered a round of drinks.
“I’m good!” I yelled at her over the music.
“You’re about to be.”
“I don’t drink.”
“It’s just one shot,” she said as the waiter dropped off our drinks. “Come on. It’s our first night out together.”
“Let’s make it a night to remember,” Amelia said and lifted her shot glass.
God, I really hated shots. I had mistakenly thought such a small glass couldn’t possibly affect me that much. I had been very wrong. But it had been a long time since I’d hung out with friends. Or had a drink. I was older now. Certainly I could hold my liquor better. “A night to remember,” I said and lifted up my shot glass too. We all clinked them together and I downed it.Ugh.I still hated the taste of whatever that was.
The waiter brought by a second round of shots.
“No way,” I said.
“I didn’t order them,” Heidi said and held up her hands innocently.
But I didn’t believe her.
“They’re from the gentlemen over there,” the waiter said and nodded to a nearby table.
