“I already had it. I had it and I lost it.”
“You had it twice. You’re one of the lucky ones. And yes, you lost it. But only once. Matt never forgot about you, Brooklyn.”
“That isn’t true.”
“Once a month he gets shitfaced drunk and cries himself to sleep over you.”
I shook my head.
“As his best friend I know that.”
“Oh, give me a break,” Rob said. He leaned forward to see me. “I’mMatt’s best friend. And we all know it. Isn’t this guy the worst, Brooklyn?”
I laughed, but it came out forced. I didn’t think Tanner was the worst. But I did think he was wrong about this. “Matt wasn’t crying over me. He was screwing everyone he possibly could.”
“People mourn in different ways. I understand the way you mourn. Matt mourned a different way. A destructive way…”
“That isn’t mourning!”
“Yes it is. He was broken. He’s still broken. And I think you can fix him. And he can help heal your heart.”
I shook my head.
“If you didn’t still have feelings for him…you’d be able to look at the field. I know you’re mourning. But it’s a hell of a lot easier to keep going when you’re surrounded by love. Trust me. I know.”
“Tanner’s the worst,” Rob said between coughs.
I didn’t trust Tanner. Not in the slightest. But I did believe that he knew. I believed that he’d lost someone. I could see it in his eyes. He looked…haunted. It was the same way I looked when I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
“I’m not ready to move on. And I can’t move on with him. He’s dating…”
“Someone that isn’t you. And the kind of love Matt had for you isn’t replaceable. You’re not replaceable, Brooklyn.”
Honestly, that was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to me. I wanted to be mad at him. But…how could I be? He was in pain too. He was looking out for his friend. He was a good person. I just…I couldn’t do this.
“I’m not feeling well,” I said. It was the truth. I felt sick to my stomach. And I hated that I felt sick to my stomach. “I think Jacob and I are going to head out early.”
“Just wait until halftime. And then I’ll take you home. I promise.”
I nodded and looked back at the field. Instead of staring at Matt and Kennedy, I focused on the weird little man handing out water on the field. I didn’t understand the lederhosen. Or how it had anything to do with being an Empire High Eagle. But I was guessing he was somehow the new mascot? It was a weird choice. But he was definitely a good distraction. He’d just thrown water in a player’s face.
And this small part of me wished he’d just thrown it on Kennedy instead.
Homecoming - Chapter 37
Saturday
Matt
Kennedy started screaming at the top of her lungs when Jefferson made his second field goal.
And I cheered too. But I was a little distracted. Something felt off as soon as I’d walked onto the field. I looked back in the crowd for what felt like the hundredth time.
“That was amazing!” Kennedy said and hugged Jefferson as he ran onto the sidelines.
He tore off his helmet and beamed at her.
I looked back at the stands. It was packed today. And those were the worst days. Where I’d see a flash of blonde hair and think I’d seen Brooklyn. I wasn’t sure her ghost would ever stop haunting me.
