I wandered down the hall and opened up our bedroom door. The sheets were still pushed down from when we’d scrambled out of bed. We’d been running late. I hadn’t been thinking about anything but work.
How I wished I would have just laughed and slept the day away wrapped up in Miller’s arms. I’d do everything differently. I’d never let him go.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and opened up the envelope. It was only two pages. How could a goodbye be so short?
And my eyes started tearing up at the very first line.
Hey Kid,
I always meant what I said. That I’d never leave you. But I know that if you’re reading this, something has happened to me. And I’m so sorry that I’m not there with you right now. If I could change it, you know I would. You know I’d be there to wipe away your tears.
And I’m going to clear up something real fast. Because I know what you’re thinking. Brooklyn Miller, you are not bad luck.Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault. Do you hear me? Can you hear my voice? You are not bad luck.
How could you possibly be when you gave me the best years of my life? You were my good luck charm.
I know you’re probably rethinking everything right now. Our time apart all those years ago. You turning down my proposal. I wish you could see me laughing as I write this. Because all those little hiccups brought us here. And I wouldn’t have changed a second of it. Not a second.
Look at the life we built together. You gave me the best gift I could possibly ask for. You loved a guy like me back. You gave me the family I always dreamed of. You chose me back.
Please wipe your tears away. Please stop rethinking all of it. Because every second of it was perfect. And I want you to remember it just like that. The way it always was.
I’ll always love you. And I know you loved me too. I know that. Don’t ever doubt that. I knew.
But you have to do what your mom told you. You have to keep living. I’ve given this a lot of thought. And I need you to hear me say this. I know there was someone before me. I know you still think about him sometimes. I just want you to be happy. And safe. And I want the same for Jacob. This isn’t easy for me to say, but I need you to know that I’m okay if you choose him now. Because I never want you to stop smiling.
But I’m so grateful you chose me all those years ago. I owe everything to you, Brooklyn.
If you think he could help raise our son. I believe you. I’ve always believed in you.
You’re so smart.
You’re so brave.
And you’re stronger than you realize.
And you’re going to keep going. For me. For our son. Because Jacob’s going to need you. Can you hug him for me? Tell him I’ll never stop loving him. Please make sure he knows that. Don’t ever stop dancing with him in the kitchen. Or playing football on Sundays. Keep doing the things that made all of us so happy.
And when you miss me, just look up at the stars. Because we were always written in them.
Yes, we promised each other forever. But we both know forevers are sometimes cut short. So you need to forget about all those promises. The only thing I want you to do is keep living. Embrace life. Be happy. Be so blissfully happy every day that you have. Don’t waste another second of your time on this earth. Will you promise me that? Do this one last thing for me?
Keep living, kid.
Love always,
-Miller
I could barely see the words on the page I was crying so hard. He knew everything that had been going through my head.
How badly I wanted to do things differently. How I wished I hadn’t wasted so much time. He knew me. He knew what would be eating me up.
And he didn’t want me to be sad. I tried to wipe my tears away, but they wouldn’t stop falling.
I didn’t want this to be goodbye. I didn’t want to move on. I didn’t want him to want me to. I wanted to love him forever.
I would always love Miller.
I didn’t want another man to raise our son.
