“I stayed away because I thought everyone was happier that I was gone,” I said. “My father made sure I thought that.”
“I wasn’t happier you were gone, Brooklyn.” James walked up next to me. “None of us were.”
I looked up at him. “Kennedy said that Matt hired a PI because he didn’t believe I was dead. Is that true?”
“Yes. He tried to find you. He tried to find you for years. I think there’s a part of him that still believes you’re alive.”
“I’m having a really hard time believing that’s true.” I stared back at Matt’s smiling face in the picture. I told myself I stayed away because they were all happy. But it was only half true. I stayed away because I was happy too. And I refused to feel guilty for that. I refused to feel guilty for loving Miller. For breaking my promises to Matt. I used to tell myself that he broke his promises first. That helped ease the pain. And it was true, despite what James said.
“He still loves you,” James said.
I shook my head. “He’s engaged to Poppy and dating Kennedy. I don’t think there’s room for anyone else.” I laughed but it came out forced.
“He’s not engaged to Poppy. And he’s only pretending to be with her because she threatened Scarlett.”
I looked up at him. “What?” Kennedy had said that Matt was stuck in some kind of situation with Poppy.
“He’s doing it to protect my daughter.”
I just assumed it was something like what happened in high school. But he was doing it to protect Scarlett? How the hell did he get into that mess? I exhaled slowly. Did it really matter what the reason was? Maybe it really was different. I mean…in high school he’d always claimed he’d been trying to protect James. But that was nonsense. This, on the other hand, appeared to be legit.
“Matt’s a good man. Yes, we were all dumb kids. Yes, we all made mistakes. But you’re alive. And you can fix it.”
“Fix what?”
“Matt.”
I shook my head.
“Brooklyn, Kennedy is the first person he’s ever dated since you.”
I shook my head. “That can’t possibly be true.”
“I’m not saying he hasn’t slept with anyone else. You know that from that summer. But it was just sex. You knew what he was like before you met him. He slept around. But he didn’t love any of those girls. He never went out with any of them. He’s always loved you.”
“James, I really appreciate you sticking up for him. And I’m so happy you’re all friends again. But…” my voice trailed off. “Too much has happened. Too much time has passed. I told Kennedy she could date him. And I meant it.”
He shook his head. “I don’t even know if Matt’s capable of loving anyone else. He puts on a brave face, but he’s…he’s never been the same.”
People’s hearts were bigger than they realized. I knew that better than anyone else. “I think Kennedy and Matt could be really happy together.” For some reason my bottom lip was trembling. I clenched my jaw to make it stop. And when that didn’t work, I took another sip of tea and hoped that James couldn’t tell. I didn’t know why it was happening. I meant what I said. I hoped Kennedy and Matt would be happy together.
“Kennedy is wonderful,” Penny said.
I turned to see her leaning against the doorjamb. “But I don’t think…I just…” her voice trailed off. “God, this is all my fault.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry, I was trying really hard not to eavesdrop.” She walked into the room. “But there’s a lot you missed out on, Brooklyn. Matt was so torn up about losing you, he made all of his friends promise to never even mention your name. I only found out about you several days ago by accident. Matt never wanted me to know because he didn’t want me to look at him like he was broken.” There were tears in her eyes. “And when he told me all about you, it was clear as day he still loves you. But I told him that you’d be upset with him for spending his whole life miserable, missing you. I encouraged him to go after Kennedy. It’s my fault.”
James walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her. “It’s not your fault, baby.”
“Yes it is. He waited for you for 16 years. Seriously, Brooklyn. He waited. He kept his promises to you. And he would have kept waiting if I hadn’t told him you’d want him to live his life.”
I pressed my lips together. Penny had given him the perfect advice. Matt should have known what I’d want for him. He knew how I felt about wasting time. So why had he wasted so much? He was supposed to be happy. I’d thought he was happy.
“It’s not your fault,” I said. “It’s mine.” I turned back to the pictures. “And his.” I wanted to think it was mostly his. I’dtold myself that for years. But what if I really did have all the information wrong? Despite what I’d seen?
I blinked back my tears as I walked over to the next picture. And there she was. The woman Matt had been banging in his pool 15 years ago.
