“I am happy for you to…be a good boy and not propose to Kennedy.”
“Stop it,” I said.
“You stop it.”
“You’re both being rude. I just told you I loved her. Why the fuck would you tell me we’re a bad match?”
Tanner nodded. “I know this news is hard to take. I’m trying to be delicate here.”
Was he really? Because I’m pretty sure he was acting like a complete asshole.
“You threw me off when you said she already dumped you. It made my delivery of the news all wrong.” He cleared his throat. “Let’s start over.” He rubbed his hands together. “I’ve got it.” He leaned forward in his chair. “Do you trust me, Matt?”
“Only some of the time.”
He laughed. “Good eye.”
What?
“I know for a fact that Kennedy Alcaraz with one L and a Z at the end with no tildes or accent marks is not the true love of your life.”
I just stared at him.
“I thought she would be. I pushed you together for a reason. But I know now that I was wrong. I’m wrong sometimes. Not often. But I can admit when I am. I do sincerely apologize.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it again. This was still coming off very rude. And I had no idea what to say to him. Also…what the fuck was he talking about? How could he know any of this for a fact?
“I know you’re probably a little hesitant to trust me with your love life again. But I was close on this. Very close.” He shook his head. “I think I must have just been a hair off really. So give me a few days to find your actual perfect match. I was close with Kennedy. It’s just not quite perfect.”
I just stared at him.
“Two days,” he said. “That’s all I’m asking. Give me two days to find you someone more suitable.”
“I thought you liked Kennedy.”
“I did but I just checked my…um…thingamajig.” He coughed. “And now I know otherwise. I said I was sorry. But facts are facts.”
His thingamajig? “Were you just masturbating behind your chair, Tanner?” And why did his dick have anything to do with Kennedy and I being a good couple?
“What? Behind this chair? No. It’s leather, my boy. It wouldn’t stand up.” He patted the seat of it. “Besides, I would never do that out here. That would be extremely dangerous.”
Nigel nodded.
“Um…yeah. I’m sure your trouser snake isn’t that big.”
Nigel laughed. “Sorry,” he said and cleared his throat. “I like that term. Trouser snake. That means penis, yes? Trouser snake.” He smiled.
“My trouser snake is very big,” Tanner said, ignoring Nigel’s question. “But that wasn’t what I meant. Anyway…true love. Round two. I’ve got it this time, I’m sure of it. I should get to work.” He clapped his hands together and stood up.
“Tanner?”
“Yeah?” he said.
“I thought you’d be happy for me.” For all his talk about being my best friend over Rob…he wasn’t acting like it. He was acting like a complete ass.
“Why would I be happy for you for choosing a lifetime of unhappiness with Kennedy? Sure, your life would be perfectly adequate with her. But nothing special.”
“That’s a really shitty thing to say.”
