I wanted that too. Desperately. But to me it didn’t matter where we were as long as we were together.
A snowflake hit the tip of my nose and I looked up at the sky. Flurries were suddenly dancing around us.
“Remember our first winter here together? When we were out on the lake? And I almost fell through? You saved me. But every day…it feels like I’m falling through that ice all over again.”
“I swear on my life, that I will never let anything bad happen to you. To either of you. Please, Brooklyn. I’m begging you to let this go. I’m begging you to just be happy.”
“I am happy.”
“Worrying every day isn’t being happy.”
I swallowed hard. I didn’t know what it was, but I did worry more now. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. When really it was just the weight of Jacob in my arms. I needed to protect him. I needed to protect all of us.
“If anything ever happens to any of us…it’ll be my fault. Because my dad…”
“No. If anything ever happens to any of us, it’ll be my fault. Okay? Because I’m the one protecting you. Not the other way around, kid.”
I tried to blink the tears in my eyes away.
“Remember when you used to get those panic attacks all the time?” He touched the side of my face. “You learned to breathe through them. I know everything feels heavy right now. But I’m here to help you carry that burden.” He lifted Jacob out of my arms. “I need you back, Brooklyn. I need you to breathe through this.”
Tears started welling in my eyes. I knew he thought I had postpartum depression. I didn’t think that was it. I think I just had a lifetime of being scared. But…maybe he was right. “I’m scared all the time.”
“I know.” He pulled me in close. “Okay. I think you’re right. Maybe we need some time away from here. Maybe we should go somewhere sunnier for a bit. I have a few vacation weeks saved up.”
“Thank you.” I knew he didn’t want to leave. But I already felt relieved.
Runaway - Chapter 48
1 Week Later - Thursday
I picked up my pace as I ran down the beach. Ever since Jacob had been born, Miller and I had stopped running together, since one of us always needed to be with the baby. I missed him by my side.
I missed himperiod.
Every day that passed here, I felt more like myself. I felt like me again. And I realized just how much Miller was right. I’d been pushing him away. I’d been anxious. It had been hard to get out of bed for a few months. I was worried all the time. But it was all in my head.
I had everything I could possibly want in my life. And I’d let fears of the future creep up on me. I’d vowed to live in the present. I didn’t want to miss out on today because I was so worried about tomorrow. And I did trust Miller to keep us safe.
I paused on the beach, placing my hands on my knees. God, I’d needed this. I breathed in the familiar smell of salty air. I’d needed this so badly. It was like the sun on my skin was exactly what I’d needed to wake up again.
I didn’t want to be running away from my family. Suddenly even the distance on the beach felt like too much. I needed to run back to them. I turned around and ran faster back toward the little house we were renting.
I smiled as I saw them in the distance. They were sitting on a blanket under an umbrella. Miller was reading something and it looked like Jacob was fast asleep. I sprinted up the sand and launched myself into Miller’s arms, knocking him backward into the sand.
“Hey,” Miller said with a smile, even though I’d probably just knocked the wind out of him and definitely gotten his book sandy.
“Hey.”
His fingers wandered into my hair. “You look happy.”
“I’m so happy.”
His eyes dropped to my lips. “I think we should stay here.”
I laughed. “I was just about to tell you that I’m ready to go home.”
He drew his eyebrows together. “You weren’t happy there anymore. I really think we should stay. I want to stay.”
