I push down the shock and try to keep it from showing on my face.“It is.Or at least I’m not aware of whatever it is you think I’m keeping from you.”
His gaze analyzes me.He looks away for a beat, smooths his hair back, and asks, “So it’s just me being mental?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you’re also skirting around the fact that there is something you’re not telling me, right?”
“Goose.”
“What?”
“There are just some things I’m not ready to talk about.Can you just let it go?”He’s way too close to the truth, and I’m terrified that he will figure it out.I’m too deep into this for that discovery to end well.
“No.I really can’t.”
“Then maybe this was a bad idea to begin with.”
He stares and then huffs an incredulous chuckle that holds no humor whatsoever.“Jesus, woman, you’re a mind fuck, you know that?”He says it in jest, but it hits home.
“And you’re not?”The words just sort of fly out of my mouth.That’s the only excuse I have for them.
Based on his glare, I might as well have slapped him.He steps away, and I latch onto his arm.“Where are you going?”
“Gonna call it a night and talk about this another time.”His words slice through me, cold and final.
I throw my hands up in frustration.“Of course you’d say that.Why not just leave me the fuck alone if you’re just going to push me away right after you reel me in?”I reach down and grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder.“I mean, fuck, I don’t need this.”I’m pushing these emotions forward, spoiling for a fight, doing anything I can to get him to back off, because I sense how easily this whole thing could unravel and fall apart now.How much I must have given away, and maybe he’s piecing it together.
I start walking.
“Woman, wait—”
“No,” I snap, turn, and walk backwards.“Goodnight, bossman.I’ll see you on Tuesday.”Then I spin again and let the distance I put between us speak for me.
“Lil’!”
Like what, is it going to take a lobotomy for me to get this man out of my system?Have I not already learned my lesson here?
Goddamn it, Lily.
With that thought in mind, I don’t stop.I keep walking, knowing that distance is the answer.I need to get somewhere I can get my head straight and regroup.Stop this nonsense that I should have never let get started to begin with.
CHAPTER 24
Beware of the mask you wear to play the part.The longer you wear it, the harder it is to leave behind.
After the confrontation with Finn, sleep is hard to come by.I lie awake most nights, staring at the ceiling, replaying my decisions since arriving back in New Mexico, trying to figure out what I’ve revealed that could hint at my true identity, and what missteps I’ve taken.
The fact that Goose has a son leaves me with lingering questions I still want to get to the bottom of.But over the next few days, I try to keep my mind occupied so that thoughts of Goose and his son don’t eat away at me.
At the club, I’m all smiles and playfulness—and more cautious than ever around Goose.If he speaks directly to me, I respond with pleasant replies, giving as little away as possible.I can tell he senses my forced indifference, but he doesn’t say anything.Instead, his eyes flicker with some unspoken question, and he analyzes my every reaction.I, in turn, attempt to stay out of his way and am careful about meeting his gaze for too long.
On my next day off, I buy a second car—an old, nondescript sedan that won’t attract attention—and contact a realtor to secure the home I want to purchase, which is a few doors down from Goose’s place.
It’s a small house that’s recently been updated, tucked under a canopy of aspen and maple trees, with a front lawn that’s overgrown and in need of tending.It’ll work perfectly as an excuse to keep a stealthy eye on the neighbors, especially when spring begins.
My disguise for this role—an elderly widow with a green thumb—includes a few muumuu dresses, which are my go-to in this persona.The dresses shield my figure, and I use both sunglasses and wide-brimmed hats to not only block out the sun but also shield my face.
Some days, I simply sit in a wicker chair on the porch while indulging in sunflower seeds or sipping hot tea while reading a magazine.When it begins to warm up, I spend a few hours each day digging in the soil of the flowerbeds, replacing old plants with new, more vibrant, colorful flowers.I’ve found that the sharp scents of freshly cut grass, the earthy aroma of damp soil, and fresh flowers help to calm my nerves.
