Larsen’s voice comes back, low and steady, like he’s holding on for both of us.“I’m coming over.Don’t do anything stupid, Finn.Just hold on a little longer.I’ll be there.I’ll call in Rivers.We’ll both be there for you.It’s why we made it out together.”
“He’s gonna be all butthurt that I rang you instead of him.”
“Nah, man.He’s just gonna want to be there for you.All he wants is to see you through this and make sure you don’t leave him behind.Whatever we need to do to make that happen, that’s all we care about.You’d do the same for him, wouldn’t you?”
“Course.”
“Just hold on, man.We’re on our way.”
CHAPTER 17
When your path becomes blurry, remap out how to get to your final destination.
Invisible lines are drawn, and we both stay on our sides, making the following weeks after Finn’s confession trudge by like we’re both walking through quicksand.We’ve agreed to keep things professional, but the tension between us is impossible to ignore, seeing that our worlds collide constantly.
The decision doesn’t sit well with Finn, or at least that’s how it appears.His mood plummets, and it isn’t just me noticing.Raven’s gaze follows him like a hawk, concern etched into her face.And I can tell she’s putting the pieces together, sensing I have something to do with it.The way she looks at me says it all.She’s gearing up to talk to me about it.
I’m not sure what I’ll say.I’m still warring with my own decision to keep Finn at a distance.I can see he’s hurting.It’s obvious now that I know about his injury.He struggles through pain each day.Maybe even searching for answers about his past—memories he can’t access.
I have a lot of those answers, ones I could share.However, doing so would reveal who I am to him and open more than a can of worms.It would burn the fake identity I’ve used to get the job, and rip the past wide open for him to sift through.
I’m not ready for that.
It would ruin everything I’ve been sent here to do.
I know where his old notebooks are, though, and those might help.The ones he journaled in after his dad passed, all the way up until he left for that last tour of duty.He wrote in one daily, pouring his thoughts onto paper, all the things he would never say out loud.They were a window into his soul after he left, giving me a deeper understanding of how his mind worked.
Before running from New Mexico, I re-read and memorized each word.Then I found a hiding spot for them, somewhere his shitty landlord wouldn’t think to check.
Over the years, the words have faded from memory.But I’ve thought about those notebooks more times than I can count.I’ve berated myself many times over the years for forgetting the words and for not taking them with me somehow.I’ve even considered flying out here to retrieve them, but seeing them again would’ve reopened the old wounds I’d fought so hard to close.Not to mention, returning here had once been my greatest fear.
Facing Veno and his crew wasn’t something I could do on a whim.It needed proper preparation.I needed a solid plan and to know how to protect myself.I’d also spent years in therapy dealing with the trauma he’d put me through.That had all taken time, which was what I’d needed so that when I came for him, I’d be doing it with a clear head and not be ruled by emotion.
Now that I’m here, it’s not as scary.There’s also a good possibility, given how different I look, that I could look him in the eye and he wouldn’t recognize me.
Or at least that’s my hope.
I’ve been keeping tabs on him when I can, and the shock of seeing him again has worn off.But facing him is a different matter, and it’s one I’ve been mentally preparing myself for because I know that day is just around the corner.
CHAPTER 18
A silent observer says the least but sees the most.Remember that.
Joining Dozer’s gym, Coal & Iron Fitness, is a strategic move on my part for multiple reasons.It gives me a place to keep an eye on the HOCs in an environment where they feel at ease, somewhere where I can observe their dynamics, and interact with them outside the strip club.
I need them to see me as more than a dancer, in a way that’s organic, earned, not forced.
Dozer carries weight in the club.Getting him to not only like me but trust me could mean a great deal when shit inevitably hits the fan.
He wasn’t a member I wanted to fuck with, but rather one I’d want on my side in the days to come.
The second I step inside, I find him exactly where I expect—front and center, a towering presence.His gaze cuts to me the moment I enter, even before I’ve fully crossed the threshold.No makeup, and out of my usual environment, yet he instantly recognizes me.
He straightens from where he’d been leaning over the front desk, seemingly in the middle of reviewing something with the receptionist, but I have his full attention now.His sharp, gray-blue eyes flick over me, taking in the plum-colored sports bra, matching leggings, and white sneakers.
A slow grin spreads over his lips, one that carries just the right edge of amusement.“New recruit?”His voice is rough silk, laced with interest.“I’m guessing I have Raven to thank for the business?”
I drop my small gym bag at my feet, meeting his gaze without hesitation.“That’s right.Asked for the best gym around.She pointed me here.”
