“Mmmm… I guess time will tell.”His smirk stretches, the lines around his mouth bracketing as his smile deepens.“But don’t for one second think that part of me doesn’t want to say fuck it and break the rules.Ask you to kick Stone to the curb.Shit like that.Not the acts of a rational man who’s usually front and center, but the one who rises to the surface when you step into a room.”
For a solid minute, I consider my response.Because damn.And yep, I know exactly what he means.The smart girl I’ve had to become wants to turn and walk away.This other part of me, the one I’ve stashed away that he brings to the surface when near, wants to give in completely and come out to play.
As long as he keeps his distance, I have control.But I swear to God, if he comes any closer to me, my resolve will begin to fray.
Because he’s him.Gorgeous eyes, his slanted dark eyebrows, and that plumper top lip.He has that damn smirk I love so much, and even his aged wrinkles are getting to me.Don’t even get me started on the waves of his silver hair and the way my hands ache to run through it.
I’ve imagined it nearly as often as I’ve imagined kissing the hell out of his mouth.And fucking him so well that he’ll never recover from the memory of it.
Payback for the memories he left me with.
The heat in his gaze has the she-devil inside of me waking.She’s a hungry, needy creature who has gone without sex for way too long.Now she’s cracking open one eye, licking her lips, and turning my every thought into something more lurid and inappropriate.Dirty.Dirty.Dirty.In the best of ways.
Sexy fantasies pinwheel inside my head, each one begging to be fully fleshed out in bright, unbridled color.Me, gripping his hair, clutching it as he goes down on me as if he’s longed for nothing else.It’s quickly followed by me riding his cock like I’m going for gold in the goddamn rodeo finals, giving him all the pleasure I’m capable of and taking the years of pleasure I’ve missed out on.
My fingers twitch with the need to reach for him.I curl my hands into fists and let my nails sink deep into my palms.I use the pain to stave off the desperation clawing through me.
Because giving in before I think this through means I could once again become nothing more than a weak girl seeking his attention every dawning day.I’m so tempted, but all the reasons I came here war with this want for him.The truth of what I’m here to do—what I’ve committed to—is ultimately what drags me back to reality.A reality that’s cold and sobering.
I think of Lacy and the debt I owe Deeds.
It helps.
There are things I need to do here for the GBs—payback to be delivered to Veno and his crew.But my decision to walk back into New Mexico and face my past was because I couldn’t let go of Finn without knowing why he disappeared on me.I had to know if there was a minuscule chance that I’d gotten it all wrong.
Eventually, I say, “But us getting involved is a really bad idea, right?With everything that just went down with your last employees.And I’m not in the best place right now to start a relationship, especially not with my new boss.”
He nods.“Yeah, not at the moment.I’d rather not be a hypocrite.That’s exactly how everyone would see this.”He motions between us.We stare at each other as inevitability and regret fill the air.
The finality of this conversation is apparent, but we linger as if we’re both wondering if this chemistry will ever reach its true destination—the one we see in each other’s eyes.
I force myself to say what I should.What will douse this spark like a bucket of cold water.“So we agree.This has ‘bad idea’ written all over it.We keep it like we agreed… professional.I already have enough drama going on in my life right now with my brother.I don’t need to add to it.I need simple and easy right now.And I think we both know this would be anything but.”
He looks away, a scowl transforming his face.He nods a few times and slaps his hand on the top of my car.“Yeah, wrong time, wrong place.Bad circumstances.Plus, with the memory loss, it’s not always easy to deal with.I get it.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Maybe not, but I saw you shut down.Saw you talk yourself fully outta this.So we can drop it.”
He motions for me to get into the car.When I do, he places his hand on the door frame.He gives me another forced smile before saying, “Drive safe.I’ll see you tomorrow.”He closes it, and I’m left reeling as he walks away.
A moment later, his bike fires up, and he walks it forward.Then he waits.I curse his name as I start my car because there’s this hollow pit in my stomach opening and flooding me with the worst feeling imaginable.
I want to take back what I said.But I also know it was the smartest decision to make.I can’t do what I need to do while also diving into something with Finn.
However, inside, it feels like it was a huge fucking mistake.
He gestures for me to leave before him.I do.Then he revs his motor and takes off in the opposite direction.
Every single part of me screams… this is wrong.But I don’t turn back.
On the drive home, as I gun it down the two-lane road, my mind runs a million miles an hour.Getting back to my hotel room so I can go through Finn’s file is a need, not a want, at this point.
It’s an invasion of his privacy.I know that.And yeah, it feels fucking wrong.But the desperation to knoweverything—right now—is louder than my conscience.That old fear, the one that’s lived inside me for years and kept me frozen when it comes to him, is starting to shift.There’s a spark of hope in my chest.And it’s burning through the paralysis.
I’m afraid of what I’ll find.Of what it might mean.Of how it could rewrite my perceptions of who we were, and why he left me.And that’s the part I don’t think I’m ready for.
Because I’m still here to do a job, that hasn’t changed.
