He fights it briefly, but then it breaks free—an unguarded smile builds.It’s beautiful, and I can’t help but grin back at him.
“There it is,” I whisper, my heart swelling at the sight.
“Just for you, baby.”He pulls me closer, so our bodies move as one in a slow figure eight.His warmth floods into me, and the gravity of this, at finally having all I’ve ached for for so long, hits me all at once.It takes everything in me not to let the emotions spill over.
“Finn?”
He draws back, and our breaths mingle in this tiny space between us.“Yeah, baby?”
“I kinda love you.Not sure if you’ve picked up on it, but I thought you should know.”
His smile is blinding now, extended fully.It’s devastating to my heart, in a way, Cupid probably takes out unsuspecting victims with this arrow.I haven’t said it like this.So stark and naked.My whole heart thrown into those words.It’s always been in the middle of our hard times, or the heat of passion, or said in the height of fear when I thought I was going to lose him.
However, this is simply because I can no longer contain it and no longer want to.I also want to give voice to it in the good times, in our steady moments of certainty.
He’s my home.My peace.My future.That place I always wanted to find to land, but never could, because I did everything in my power to avoid him when he was precisely the very thing I needed.I may not always be able to say it with pretty words, but I plan to always show him by loving him so damn thoroughly he’ll never doubt it.
“I know, baby.Love doesn’t even seem like the right word, though, does it?You’re my damn heart.That’s the truth of it.You make every struggle I had to face to get here worth it.And I’d do it again if I knew this would be the outcome.”
“You probably shouldn’t say things like that.”
He chuckles and looks down at me.“Why?”
“Because it makes me feel weak.Like I may need to hear it every day, and that sounds way too needy.”
He studies me for a moment, and our movements slow.“Needing me doesn’t have to be a bad thing, Lil’.Not when it’s the same for me.”
“No, but it is scary sometimes.The thought of losing it again.”
He wraps his arms around my shoulders and holds me tight.Rocks me back and forth.“I get it.Having this and losing it, don’t think I’d survive it a second time.God willing, we’ll never have to.”
A confession spills from my lips.“You know, I used to dream about you, too.”
Drawing back, he lifts my chin.“You did?”
“Yeah, I ended up going to a hypnotist.Crazy thing is, it worked, well mostly, or at least for a while.Would you maybe want me to check into it for you?”
He shakes his head immediately.“I like the dreams, Lil’.I mean… yeah, they may suck and sometimes there’s demons I have to face when I close my eyes, but there’s also you, parts of you, and I don’t want to miss out on any pieces still waiting for me to find them.”
I finger away a stray tear that dares escape.“Damn it, Finn.”
“God forbid I go first.”He gets choked up at this.“Know that I’ll be there waiting for you to find me.”He pinches my chin and places a sweet kiss on my lips.“Just promise me, you’ll find me too when the time comes.”
“God, Finn.You wreck me.You know that?”
“You wreck me, too, baby.You save me and wreck me in equal measure.”
His arms wrap around me again, and I bury my face in the curve between his neck and chest.We slow dance time and place blur around us.In this space, it’s just us.
He holds me so tightly that I doubt death could pry us apart.
We sway together in the dim light, and my heart feels full, to the point it might gallop right out of my fucking chest.Lily, in my arms, soft and warm against me, is everything.It’s what I’ve ached for nearly my entire life.Like I knew, I just knew this was the kind of happiness—completeness, I’d been missing out on.
I’ve fought wars, faced death, and lost so much, but nothing—nothing—compares to the fear I have of losing her again.She’s my tether to this life, my anchor, the point of the compass that tells me where home is.She came back to me, bared every scar, told every truth, and fought like hell for me when I couldn’t fight for myself.I can never repay her for that, but tonight… tonight, I’ll try.
She’s always been my world, even when I was too blind or too broken to see it.I feel it in every beat of my heart and breath.My body knows hers, my soul recognizes this.We’re bound, not just by time and circumstance, but by something deeper.She’s the only woman who’s ever made me feel this way—like I have a purpose and there’s genuine hope for the future.
As we move together to the slow, heady beat, I’m lost in her.Underneath all that love, there’s a nervousness bubbling up.I’m about to do something so wildly out of character, but damn it, she deserves it.She deserves a grand gesture.Something that shows her, in front of everyone, how much she means to me.For every moment she stayed by my side, for all the ways she fought for us, for me, for being brave enough to love me through the darkest hours.
