My temple pulses its song of torment, and I slap my hand onto the wall, using it to remain standing.
I pinch my eyes closed and brace against it, but it’s no use.There’s no escape from it.
When I open my eyes and turn away from the wall, the room spins and goes black.I blink to clear my vision and look at the blurring colors littering the floor.The drum in my head gets louder.
I stumble as I take steps towards the bed.Somehow, I land on my knees.When I look down and see pink, I rifle through the papers and see that I’ve discarded notes about her in haste.I try to read the words, but can’t read my own goddamn handwriting.
Some papers have what looks to be red leaves on them.
“Ughhh.Fuuccck.”A nail drives home inside my head, and I growl as it tunnels deeper.I press the heels of my hands into my eyes as it throbs and pulses in time with my slow heartbeat.
“Motherfucker.Why the fuck does it hurt so fucking much?”I slur.
My head is being pried apart.There’s no escaping it.It’s pure agony and un-fucking-relenting.
Even the pain-filled groan I let loose does a number on my head.
Tears born of frustration well up in my eyes and spill over.
“Make it stop,” I whisper as more tears begin to spill down my face.“Just… fucking make it stop.Please.Please.Please.”I sink my fingers into my hair and cradle my head.“I… I can’t do this anymore.”I let the tears drip from my chin to the floor.
I’m done.Done.I just can’t fucking take it anymore.
Shouting to the ceiling, I ask, “Why the fuck is this happening to me?Answer me that!What the fuck did I do to deserve this, huh?Haven’t I suffered enough?What the fuck do you want from me?”I beg with everything that I am for some fucking mercy, for some fucking help, for some one up there to see me, fucking see me, and give me some goddamn mercy for once from this fucking endless torture.
Because I can’t get her out of my head, and I don’t want to.But thoughts of her are literally killing me.
When no response comes, no goddamn sign, I search out the pills, crawl to them until I’m able to find a bottle on the floor.I don’t give a fuck what pills they are as long as they make it stop.It’s harder than it should be to open the lid.When I do, I tip the bottle up and take a few and swallow them dry.Seeing as this is more pain than I’ve ever experienced before, I don’t wait for those to work their magic.I take a few more to make sure I’ll have enough in my system to quiet the raging storm in my mind.
I sit against my bed and cover my eyes with my hands as I wait for them to take effect.The only sound I hear is my heart gonging a deafening and ominous toll inside my head.I breathe heavily through the agony until it begins to quiet.
A door slams.
“Finn?”Mateo’s voice is shrill and loud as fuck.He knocks on my door.“Finn!”
“What?”
“Everyone’s been calling and says you’re not picking up your phone.”
His voice comes again sometime later, and it’s echoey.“Finn.”
“What?”
“Did you hear me?”
I clear the lump in my throat.“Yeah.”
“Can I come in?”
I’m not sure how much time passes, but he shouts my name again and again.
It’s so loud.I can’t take it.“P-p-please stop.”But I don’t say it loud enough for him to hear, because words are fucking hard to come by now.
The door opens.Mateo mutters, “What the hell?What did you do?”
I pry my hands away to see him kneeling in front of me.He grabs my shoulders and turns me so I’m looking him in the eye.He slaps my cheek lightly, “Hey, hey, look at me.What’s going on?”
I grab his arm, and my hand leaves a bloody print on his sleeve.
