My stomach twists into a knot.“What?”
“You heard me.”
My hands drop to my side.“I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
He runs his hand over his mouth and he eyes me critically.His brow hitches up.“Are you sure about that?”His voice is dark, mocking.“Because it sure as hell feels like you wanted me to suffer.And I did.I suffered through it for as long as I could.More than you’ll ever know.But it became too much, okay?The pain in here”—he palms his chest, and puts two fingers to his temple—“and here.”
My fingernails dig into the skin of my palms.When I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say, he lets out a long breath.
“Tell me this, Lil’.Why them and not me?”
“Just… I don’t know, and I don’t have to justify it to you.”
“That’s your answer?”
“What else do you want me to say?”
He grinds his molars and his jaw flexes.“If I was no one and nothing to you, then why do you care so goddamn much what I do, huh?Why the fuck do I care so much about what you do?What the fuck does any of it matter, Lily?I think you know, but it’s not like you’ll finally come clean.”
The tension pulls taut in the air between us.“What do you mean?”
He scoffs.“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“No, I don’t.Why don’t you spell it the fuck out for me?”
He throws his arms out as if baring his soul to me.“You make meremember, and rememberingfucking hurts.”He hurls those words at me.“That’s why I was getting more and more flashbacks, all because of you.I don’t remember all of it, but I remember enough, and the rest I’ve figured out on my own.”
I freeze in place.“Remember what?”
His studies my features.“I remember the girl I met before my tour of duty.The one standing right the fuck in front of me.Yeah, it feels like another lifetime.I don’t know all the details, but I see it, Lil’.When I close my eyes.”He palms his forehead.“When I dream, when the fuckin’ migraines work overtime to split my brain in half.There’s another life there that I had with you, where we meant a whole hell of a lot to each other.”
“I-I don’t...”Panic.Absolute panic overtakes me.The easy lies won’t come and taper off.I try again, and it comes out the same.My body is going haywire, my nerves jumping, and my heart racing like it’s on steroids.
I take a few measured breaths and pull the lie from somewhere deep inside of myself.They’re not the words I want to say, but the ones he needs to hear.“That girl, whoever she was, isn’t me.”
Without warning, he strides closer, grabs my arm, pulls me closer, and the heat of his body melts into mine.My body reacts to his proximity, softening, giving my head no time to catch up.
“No?”he challenges.He palms my cheek and leans forward.For a long time, he just stares me down with his penetrating blue gaze as he analyzes my face.
“No.”
His face touches mine, and his lips brush against my ear.Dropping his voice to a dangerous whisper, which sends a shiver down my spine, he says, “You can keep telling them, but I’m not buying these pretty little lies anymore, Lil’.I can read your tells.I see beyond what you’re trying to hide.”
I push at his chest, try to pry myself away, but his hold tightens.
“I see you,” he says.“The real you.I see the act.The unhappiness.The way you force yourself to do things you hate.I see the parts you play when other people are around.The mask you let slip when they’re not.I see it all and I know there’s a version of you that knows who the fuck I am to you.That you’ve known me for a long damn time.”
He lets me go, and I stumble back.He lifts his hand.“Go ahead, make me feel like I’m the crazy one here.Like it’s all in my head.”
A rock lodges itself in my throat, and fireflies take flight in my stomach.“I’m not saying that.”
“Tell me you didn’t already know who I was the minute you arrived here.Go ahead.Fucking nuts, right?”
“I didn’t say you’re crazy!”I snap at him.“I said, I’m not that fucking girl!”Not anymore.
He points at my face.“That right fucking there.That split second when your mouth moves but your eyes tell a different story.They don’t match, babe.”He comes forward, but I push him off me.He proceeds to eliminate the space and tries again.“I want the truth.”
I stare up at him.I can’t.He’s not ready to hear it, and I’m not ready to relive it.Shaking my head, I glare right back at him.He reaches out to grab my hand.I slap it away and snap, “Don’t fucking touch me.”
