A weighty pause follows, like the others have stopped talking to listen in.
What I suspect is that Bodie—the one whose bike she rode in on—put her up to it.She’s been vying for my attention most of the night—giving me sultry looks, staying close, touching me on occasion, clinging to me like a wet leaf, and no matter how gently I try to let her down, the girl won’t take a hint.
Bodie’s smirk, and the knowing fucking gleam in his eyes tell me I’m right.
I’ve been with her in the past, usually on wild-as-fuck nights when I’ve gotten too wasted to know better.And with how hard up I am, yeah, it’s fucking tempting.
But she’s not what I need.Not what I want.
Not going to lie, the thought did cross my mind earlier of using her as a way to not only distract me from Stone’s meaty paws all over Lily, but to see if the roles were reversed, and Lily had to witness someone all over me, would she feel what I feel?Would she give a fuck?
I never got the chance to test that theory.Stone dragged Lily off to his tent before I could fully consider it, and they’ve been in there for a while.
Sure, I could use Star as payback.It would give me something else to think about other than the awful thoughts running through my mind of what the fuck is happening inside that tent at this moment.But I’m just not that guy.I want what I want, and Star may be able to get me off in the end, but the hollow feeling I’ll be left with afterwards just isn’t worth it.
I’d rather suffer in silence.
“Nah, sweetheart.I’m good.”
“Really?”
She looks aghast at this, like I’m fucking crazy.Maybe I am.Because isn’t that what a masochist is, someone who loves the pain of his own self-inflicted torment?
Instead of enjoying myself and finding someone who can love on me now, I’m filling my head with thoughts that make me sick to my stomach, staying on the peripheral of the party to catch any hint of lovemaking coming from this side of the camp, and turning myself inside out over a woman who runs from me at every opportunity.
I came on this trip to spend more time with her.
Sick, right?When I knew from the onset that she’d be accompanying Stone.
It was a guarantee that I’d see shit I didn’t like, that I’d be filled with jealousy to the brim, and hate every moment of it.And yet, here the fuck I am.
Watching.Waiting.Listening.
Hopelessly hoping for an outcome to this trip that ends with Lily somehow in my arms instead of the ones probably wrapped around her.
I emphasize this last part by removing Star’s hand and nodding toward the group partying closer to the fire pit.“Go enjoy yourself.”
“If you’re sure?
I nod, “More than.”
She nods but fuck if her advances don’t get more daring as the night wears on.
I’m almost at my limit of patience when—color me surprised as fuck—Stone reemerges at the party in nothing but his jeans, his massively tatted up chest on full display, and takes her off my hands.
When they’re both distracted, I take the opportunity to slip into the dark and out of sight.
I’m sitting in a lawn chair behind Stone’s tent at the far end of the camp.For the most part, the laughter and hollering of our group drown out all sound.But every so often, when it quiets, I hear Lily’s soft snores.
They’re fucking cute.
Yeah, I know it’s ridiculous.Not just that I find the way she breathes when she sleeps adorable, but that I’m sitting alone in the dead of night, propped on my elbow with my chin on my fist, head tilted to the side so I can catch any small sound she makes, like a desperate fool.
The moon is a large crescent, and it’s bright tonight.It someone were to come upon me, they’d surely ask what the fuck I’m doing.So I’m grateful that no one has, because there would be no hiding it.
I tell myself it’s not just to listen to her sleep.It’s to make sure no one fucks with her.That’s how I justify it to myself.That I’m protecting her from any drunk bastard who might stumble into the tent thinking it’s theirs and find her inside.
Time moves slowly forward, and little by little, the party dies off.
