Meeting them eye to eye again may just be one of the hardest things I’ll ever do.
Then maybe you should’ve looked at the pictures.
Yes, inner devil, thank you very much.Maybe I should’ve.But I didn’t, couldn’t, and now I have to suffer the consequences.
I did my research.I know more details about the HOCs than probably any of their brothers do.I saw picture after picture of each patch member, read their files.Except him.Goose.Finn.I couldn’t.Not only because I wanted to put it off as long as possible, but also because if I had to look at him, then I wanted to do it for the first time with my own two eyes.No picture.No video.He was never a ghost or a figment of my imagination.He was real, and what he did to me did indeed happen.He’d made me fall in love with him and then left me behind with no word.
I fight the reaction my body has to the sight of him.My heart beating out of rhythm, stuttering one moment, and racing the next, as if it can’t decide whether to curl into a ball or make a run for it.Both sound appealing as hell.But I can’t hide.I’ve done that for too long.It’s time I finally face him and get some answers.
I shut down all the feelings.I flip the switch off with aclick.It’s what I do, what I had to learn to do—to turn off my feelings when they become too much.
When he disappears inside the club, I glance at the clock on my dashboard.In less than two hours, I’ll face him, strip off my clothes, and convince him to give me a job.
I pick up my phone and text Deeds, the one person who is always on my side and somehow knows what to say to help me set my mind right.
Remind me why I agreed to do this.
He replies:
For the greater good.
A smile pulls at the corner of my mouth.
What did the greater good ever do for me?
He shoots back:
For world domination then.
I chuckle.Only he could pull that out of me when I’m feeling so unsteady.
I don’t want to dominate the world.We’re talking about me.Not you.
Hmmm… Right.Let me think.
A few seconds later, he texts again.
For me, baby.Because I saved you when it should’ve been him, and I can’t save this club without your help.
He sends another quicker than I can reply.
And this is your chance.To make him regret giving you up.
Those words cement every bit of what’s softened inside me.My resolve strengthens.My jaw sets.I take a few moments and relive the months I waited for Finn.The danger I put myself in by sticking around, and how, in the end, I barely made it out of New Mexico alive.
Veno nearly saw to it that I didn’t, and eventually he’s going to pay for that.
Deeds may be a little evil, but at least he’s honest about it.Yes, he uses me.But I use him just as much.It’s an equal relationship of give and take, take, take.
You highly motivated now?
Yes.
That’s my girl.Make him sorry, baby.
I plan to.
All right, Gypsy Girl.You do just that and call me tonight.
