“Yeah, Joey was a cop.He died in the line of duty.Mateo’s been pretty messed up since.It got worse when his mom met this guy.Things kind of blew up.”
“Do you do that often?”
Not understanding, I furrow my brow.
“Help desperate souls?People in distress?”she asks.
“I wouldn’t necessarily call it that,” I say a bit harshly, because if she only knew the stories of the people I’ve helped, she wouldn’t add insult to injury by talking about them like this.They’re more than victims and definitely not to blame for the shitty cards life dealt them.
“I didn’t mean for it to sound judgmental or callous.”
“Good, because the people I help matter to me…” I shake my head.“They’re so much more than what’s been done to them or their circumstances.”
Some of the best moments of my life have been when I’ve made a difference in someone else’s life.At the end of the day, it’s why I made it through the shit I have.This is what gives my existence meaning and has me pressing forward beyond trying to find the ghost of my past.
She furrows her brow as she stares up at me.“You really care about them?”I open my mouth, but she hurries to say.“That came out wrong.I mean, this means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, it does.”
She searches my face.“Will you tell me why?”
She may not realize it, but her hand that was once pushing me away is now resting on my chest over my heart.It’s a point of comfort that I cling to as I tell her something I’ve never really shared with anyone.
“Rivers and I and one other guy, Lars, are the only ones who survived that roadside bomb.I barely made it.For whatever reason, I was given more time.I want that to mean something.Maybe that’s because I can’t do my part with the army anymore, or because I want to make the most of the time I have, tally up points for the man upstairs.Either way, I just can’t stand by and not help people who need it most, or protect those who can’t protect themselves.”
“That…”
“What?”
“Reminds me of someone.”
Her expression has softened.Her sultry scent surrounds me, and it’s intoxicating.I breathe it in as my gaze travels over her face.
Her hand begins to roam up, and without warning, it curls around my neck.A shiver of sensation rushes down my spine.
I’m all too aware of the distance from her mouth to mine.It seems like nothing.Infinitesimal.Like bridging that space and connecting my mouth to hers could be so simple.
I ask the only thing on my mind.“If I kissed you, would you welcome it?Or are you gonna keep running and giving every excuse in the book for not giving in to this thing going on between us?”
“I’m not running or mak—”
“Yeah, you are.”
“Is that what you think?”
“Yeah, it is.The why of it is what I don’t know.”
She huffs.
“Am I wrong?”
She says nothing, and that right there is my answer, isn’t it?
“If you don’t want me, or don’t want me to kiss you, please tell me and walk the fuck away.Right now.Walk and know that I won’t chase you down.I won’t try anything again.I let this lie, and we can go on being nothing to each other.”
I rub her cheekbone again and lean so I can say these next words against the shell of her ear.“If you want me, tell me, woman.Just say it.Say yes.”Arousal floods my body when her head kicks back and her body relaxes.Swear to God, a whimper escapes her lips.
I pull back and look at her.“You’re so fired up over the possibility I could have been with someone else, but you also keep treating this like it’s nothing.It ain’t nothing to me.So, which is it?Either walk away, or give us a chance, because God’s honest truth, Lil’, I can’t keep doin’ this back and forth with you.It’s drivin’ me fuckin’ crazy.”
