The things that keep a man going, despite it all.
***
The morning air hits cold and sharp against my skin as I saddle the horses. When I told him my plan, Harrison wasn’t keen on disrupting the kids’ learning schedule, but something in my expression cut his argument off at the root. My girls tumble out of the house in a tangle of coats, boots, and wild hair. Junie runs straight to her favorite miniature pony, and I help her clamber up, but Eli hangs back. She always does.
“C’mon, darlin’,” I say gently, crouching down so we’re eye to eye. “You wanna ride with me today?”
She chews her bottom lip, then nods once and lets me lift her up into the saddle with me. I swing my leg over and click my tongue. The horse lumbers forward into the wide paddock.
The sky is bright but pale. The land stretches endlessly in every direction. Riding’s the one place I can breathe without thinking too hard, as the bulk of the horse moving fluidly beneath me fills me with a sense of power. I lead Junie’s pony next to us, and she chatters away to it like it’s her best friend and understands every word.
Eli leans her head back against my chest and lets out a soft sigh.
“Daddy?” she says after a long silence.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I like her.”
My hands tighten ever so slightly on the reins. “Who?” It’s a stupid question, but it comes out anyway.
“Grace.”
I clear my throat. “Yeah?”
“She tells good stories. Plays games. Does our hair pretty. Makes pancakes better than anyone, even Uncle Corbin.”
I huff a low laugh at that, my heart squeezing tight in my chest.
“She makes Junie laugh. And Beau follows her around like she’s the boss.”
Her small voice drifts away as we ride. I let the quietsettle. The horse’s hooves thud steady against the ground. I should be happy. Eli’s smiling more. The house feels warmer since Grace arrived. But the weight in my gut says different. I know what happens when the bright ones go.
I’ve lived it.
And I won’t let my kids break again.
***
The sun’s a little higher now, the chill easing off as we circle back toward the barn. I swing down first, then lift Eli from the saddle. She runs off with Junie, Matty, and the twins who were waiting for their return, Beau trotting after them like he’s shepherding them.
I lean against the fence, arms folded, watching the kids race and shriek and climb over things they shouldn’t. Boots scuff the dirt beside me, but I don’t look over. I don’t need to. I know the gait of every man in this place. My brother, Cody, slaps his palms on the top rail and lets out a long breath. “They look happy.”
“Yeah.”
He leans sideways, his shoulder bumping mine lightly. “You’re brooding.”
“Don’t start.”
He chuckles low. “Not startin’. Just observin’.”
I grunt and tug at my collar, which feels too tight.
Cody quiets for a second, then glances my way. “You heard, didn’t you?”
I don’t answer because I don’t need to. My room’s next to Nash’s. I’d have to be dead to miss the ruckus from last night.
“Me and Nash…” He pauses. “It’s a test, see. We have to know if she can do this. Waiting… it doesn’t make sense when it’s the thing that’s broken the others.” He nods slowly, watching the horizon. “She ain’t like the others, Dyl. I think she might stay.”
