“Mom, can we go to the zoo?” Presley asks me over dinner.
“Sure, honey. We might have to go sometime next week, unless you want to ask Grandma if she can take you.” This upcoming week is busy with lots of meetings at work, and there’s a wedding on Saturday I can’t miss.
She shakes her head and her dirty blonde hair falls into her eyes. “No, I want to go with you. Can we bring Lennie? And maybe my friend Natalie?”
I mindlessly play with my rice, pushing it around until it turns into a little pile in the center. “Yeah, of course. I’ll text Natalie’s mom.”
“And Lennie’s dad?” she prompts.
I swallow the lump in my throat at the mention of him and nod. “Yeah. Him too.”
“Yay!” she cheers. While I know last night was a one-time thing, I need to keep telling my stupid heart that. All day today, I’ve flipped back and forth between wanting to take that step and see if the risk is worth the reward, and shoving my heart back down into my stomach, forcing it to behave. We both agreed. One night. One amazing,incredible, pleasure-and-comfort-filled night. I need to get my head back on straight and stop daydreaming about the way his fingers felt inside me, or the way his lips felt as they tangled with mine.
There’s a knock on the front door that pullsme out of my daydreams. Megan announces her arrival, making her way through the house to where we sit at the dinner table.
“Hello!” she says in a cheery voice. She’s in a pair of cozy sweats and sweatshirt, her hair pulled into a high bun, perfect for tonight’s activities. She has a plastic container in her right hand filled with those frosted sugar cookies people either love or hate. I’m personally a fan of the cookies, and so is Presley.
Presley shrieks in delight when she sees Megan. “Auntie Megan! Are you here for a sleepover?”
“No sleepover,” Megan responds. “But we can watch a movie and snuggle before you go to bed. I brought a treat for us.”
Presley giggles in delight, and I let out a sigh of relief. Being in my best friend's presence helps to slow my racing thoughts.
She sits down beside me, pulling me into a tight side hug. Once Presley and I finish dinner, the three of us move over to the couch and we let Presley pick a movie.
Presley snuggles in between me and Megan. A pile of blankets cover us, along with a group of her stuffed animals. We watch the movie and eat our cookies. I ignore the guilty notion of taking my best friend away from a night at home with her husband, knowing that if she didn’t want to come over, she wouldn’t have.
When it’s finally time for Presley to go to bed, she does so easily and without complaint. I tuck her in and kiss her goodnight, and leave her room, shutting the door behind me.
I let out a heavy sigh and head into my living room, flopping down on the couch next to Meg. She pulls me into her arms, tucking a blanket around me. “Time to spill the beans,” she says.
I sigh, and tell her every detail from the weekend,updating her on the events that happened after my last messages to her. She gasps when I tell her how he commented on my perfume and helped protect me from that man. She shrieks with delight when I tell her how Jason and Ihelpedeach other last night in bed.
“So now, I’m a mess. My brain is telling me all the reasons that we both agreed on are right, and we can’t go any further, but my heart is being dramatic, telling me to chase after him and show him we could be good together, despite all the reasons holding both of us back.”
Megan sighs heavily. “You know what I think. I think you’re both being ridiculous. You clearly are both stuck in some delusion that your responsibility to your children or the way your past played out is more important than your own happiness. You're allowed to have fun and do things for yourselves, too.”
“But we can’t!” I argue. “We have our kids to think about.”
“Yeah, your kids, who are practically best friends.” She scoots up on the couch, leaning forward to flick my nose. “You aren’t going to get any sympathy from me, Fallon. It’s been three years now since Brad left. You’ve grieved your marriage, and the life you had. You’ve created a wonderful new life for you and your daughter, and no one will tell you that you can’t give into your feelings and pursue something with someone. Nevermind the fact that this man is one of the best men I’ve ever met in my life.”
I swallow harshly. “That doesn’t change the fact that he isn’t interested in something more. I shouldn't have given in to my desire for him last night.”
Megan reaches over, taking my hand and squeezing it. “I’m not able to speak for him, but if I had to guess, I would say he’s experiencing a lot of what you are right now. Imean, you two have a history. You knew each other before the worst times in your lives, and now you are building your futures. He could be more interested than you think, and is simply holding himself back. You never know, Fallon.”
I lean into Megan, glad she’s here and talking this through with me. “I won’t force it either way. If it happens, then I guess it happens. My apprehensions about it aren’t going to go away though.”
“I’d never expect them to. Like you’ve said, it’s not only you that you have to think of, and I’m proud of you, and Jason, for recognizing that.”
“Thanks,” I say, though I’m not quite sure I mean it. I’m still a mess. This conversation is not helping as much as I would have liked it to.
22
FALLON
Sometimes when I’m overwhelmed, I like to go for a walk during my afternoon break for a little change in scenery on the days I’m stuck in my office. Lately, I’ve been going down into the wine cellar. It’s quiet, cold, and usually a nice break in the day.
I’ve been wandering down here for about fifteen minutes, taking in the names of some of the new barrels of wine lining the walls, and admiring how much work goes into making wine.
