“Oh, um, thanks,” I say. I stand from my chair, wiping my sweaty palms on the fronts of my pants, ignoring the slight ache in my feet after a long day. He stands in the doorway stiffly, like he’s unsure whether he should wait for me or not. “Thanks for talking to Presley.” I break the awkward silence.
Jason shrugs. “No problem. She’s a good kid.”
“She’s been having a hard time lately.” I blurt before I can second guess myself.
Jason raises a brow.
“With the divorce. She remembers her dad, but she doesn’t understand why he left. She thinks it’s something she did to make him leave. It breaks my heart every time, and I hate it. She didn’t do anything to make him leave. If anything, it was me.” I shake off the thought, not willing to dive deeper into that conversation with him right now. I don’t know him well enough. “One day he went to a work conference, and the next, boom, signed divorce papers.”
Obviously, there’s a lot more to that story, but that’s notthe point right now. “I can’t give her a two parent home when I’m barely hanging on by a thread myself. Being a single parent is hard. I can’t be the type of person someone deserves in a relationship, so it’s going to be just us. I know what I said earlier, but the truth is, I can’t handle anything else. I hate that he put me in this position, that she doesn’t have any answers. She deserves to have a dad that loves her, and I can’t give that to her. ” When the words are out, I realize how callous my words are. I don’t know the situation between Jason and Lennie’s mom.
A flare ofsomethingburns in Jason’s gaze, and my chest clenches. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything,” I stammer.
“I get it,” Jason murmurs. “Lennie doesn’t ask about her mom often, but when she does, it fucking sucks. It’s so hard. I mean, how do you tell a five-year-old about drugs?”
I don’t know what to say. This is the most information he’s freely given me, and I realize how difficult this must have been for him.
“Forget I said anything,” Jason snaps, running a hand through his hair.
With a nod, it settles in that we at least have something in common. We don’t know what to tell our kids. And that sucks. As parents, it feels like we should have all the answers for our kids, but that doesn’t always happen.
“We should get going,” Jason says, pulling me from my thoughts.
I agree with him, and walk to the door. He steps out, and I pull the door closed behind me. “Where’s Isaac?”
“At the bar still.” I nod, following him down the hall to the main reception area where the bar is. We don’t speak for a moment, and I know I’ve overstepped between our conversations earlier today. “Marley’s fine,” he says,surprising me.
“Oh, good,” I reply. I was meaning to ask Megan if she’d heard anything, but I kept forgetting.
“It was some practice contractions, she’s home now.”
“Good.” I shove my hands in my pockets, twisting my finger around a loose string. Why is this so awkward suddenly? I can’t handle this. We make it to the reception area, and I spy Isaac sitting at the bar. He waves us over, and I sigh in relief, thankful to be free of this awkward interaction.
9
JASON
Ishould have left twenty minutes ago, but I can’t stop my gaze from finding Fallon every so often, from checking in on her. The interaction between us was something I didn’t expect, and it settled like a stone in my gut. Even though she acts like everything is fine and dandy, it’s not. She’s going through a lot of what I’m going through. We’re both doing everything we can to be the best parents for our daughters, and it has to be enough, though sometimes it’s not.
The nights Lennie cries and asks about her mom are some of the worst nights of my life. It breaks my heart over and over, knowing she yearns for a mother, but will never have one. I have to be enough for her, and I don’t know that I ever will be. Drugs took my daughter's mother from her. I would love to be able to tell my daughter her mother was able to put her past behind her, but unfortunately, I can’t.
I have to hope I’m enough for her.
“Go home, boss,” Nora says, pulling my attention from where Fallon is currently being pulled aside by the mother of the groom, again.
I nod, not really acknowledging her words, though.
“Jason,” Laila says with a laugh. I finally pull my gaze from Fallon. “Seriously. We’ve got this. This is no busier than a Saturday night at the brewery, and we’ve got everything we need. If we need you, we’ll give you a call. Go have yourBarbiemovie night.”
I groan, though really, I look forward to these nights with my daughter, spending one on one time with her, something that doesn’t happen nearly as often as it should with my work schedule. Her movie tastes are not typically my first choice.
“Alright, fine,” I grumble. “But you promise to call me, right?”
Nora holds her hand to her brow in a salute. “Promise.”
I wave at Isaac from the opposite end of the room. Dinner is finishing up, and Lennie’s going to have a late bedtime tonight, but it’s fine. She’s getting older now, so it’s not as big of a deal for her to stay up a little late now and then.
Isaac strides over, a smile on his face. “Heading out?” he asks.
