I shut the door behind me, turned around, and pressed my aching back to the cool hard wood.
“Now that they’re gone, let’s really talk.”
With a startle, my eyes popped open. “Sylvie!” There my grandmother stood, stealthy as ever in the doorway to the living room. “Didn’t I just usher you outside?”
“Nope.” She sashayed back into the living room and sat down next to my pile of cozy blankets. “Have a seat, Mrs. Hayes.” She patted the space beside her.
That might be the last time anyone referred to me as Mrs. Hayes. Why was that thought such a landslide of sadness? “I’m all talked out, Sylvie.” I flopped down beside her. “Do you hear that? It’s Netflix calling my name.”
Sylvie rested her hand on my leg. “Why haven’t you gone after Lachlan?”
So many reasons, all of which I’d listed in triplicate in my head. “Why would I? We said we’d end it after the premiere, and we are. Lachlan just got a jumpstart on the separation.”
“You know what I think?”
“That’s a rhetorical question, isn’t it?”
“I think when Taylor ended it, it wasn’t the loss of a great love that broke your heart. It was that you took a chance and failed—that’s what really messed you up. You stepped off that neurotic schedule of yours and it didn’t pay off. You’ve been carrying hurt and shame over that ever since.”
“Taylor stole my client, my ideas, and my promotion. There’s plenty there to jack a girl up.”
“But losing him doesn’t compare to Lachlan walking out, does it? Because when it’s that grand love of a lifetime, it wrecks you like nothing else can.”
My mask of annoyance slipped and my bottom lip quivered. Hot tears escaped down my cheeks, and I furiously dashed them away. Because if I gave into the tears again, I wouldn’t be able to stop. “Sylvie…”
“Yes, sugar?”
“I didn’t mean to fall in love with Lachlan.”
“Oh, hon.” She wrapped an arm around me and folded me into her side. “We all fell for the boy.”
“Why did he have to be so great?”
“Same thing people say about me, sweetie. Lachlan and I can’t help it. We are who we are.”
“Breaking up is the right thing to do.” I said the thought aloud because both of us needed to hear it. “Lachlan and I are so very different, and I have things I need to accomplish first.”
“Different can be good,” Sylvie said. “And what’s stopping you from knocking out goals just because Lachlan’s in your life?”
“Do you realize what happens when I deviate from the plan?’
Sylvie perched at the edge of the couch and angled her petite body toward me. “Honey, life is messy and crazy. That’s the beauty of it all. If you avoid the messy and the mystery, you avoid some of what this world wants to offer. Bees don’t fly in straight lines. Birds don’t. Neither does a canister of tear gas. Just ask the Sultan of Brunei who tried to cop a feel in 1998 and hopefully still cries every time he thinks about it. You keep drawing your straight lines from point to point, but this crazy journey is a squiggly path with highs and lows and curves and swerves.”
I thought of Italy, of Taylor, and the morning I woke up wearing a wedding ring. “It’s also where things hurt.”
“It can be.” Sylvie reached out and swiped a tear from my cheek. “But you know what else hurts? Missing out on living. Missing out on saying ‘yes’ and ‘maybe’ and ‘let’s see where this goes.’ Honey, do you love Lachlan?”
Lachlan.
The man who made me laugh, who filled out a Minecraft t-shirt better than anyone had a right to, and the guy who danced like a dream. He was hallway conversations when I was sick and early morning debates over strong coffee. Lachlan was the man who waited up for me every evening with dinner warming, while filling my days with funny texts that caused heart emojis to float overhead. I’d never forget how he’d hugged me on his birthday, as if he’d never received a greater gift. We’d made so many memories in the short amount of time we’d been together, and they’d kept me company every minute since Lachlan had left.
“I do love him.” There. I’d said it. I waited for the rush of freedom to come with the declaration—but it didn’t. “If Lachlan ever felt anything for me, it’s gone.”
“Go to the movie premiere.” Sylvie held my shoulders in a firm grip. “Take that chance and tell Lachlan what’s in your heart.”
“He doesn’t love me.” I clearly felt more for him than he did for me. Because reoccurring themes and all that. “If he did, he wouldn’t have ended things the way he did.”
“But my dear…what if you’re wrong?” Sylvie pushed to her feet, as if that settled it all. “You have twenty hours before your plane leaves tomorrow morning.”
